The Moving Blues

I've lived in Portland for a little over eight years now and come this weekend this will be the sixth time I have moved. It's not that I am unstable or unreliable, I swear... The other five places I lived in for at least a year and one for three years. I have a love/hate relationship with change so it has nothing to do with wanting a change of scenery, although that is nice at times. What it all comes down to is circumstance and timing, both which can be a good and bad thing.

I knew I would need a new place to live by September 1st and because I like to plan ahead, I started looking on Craigslist months ago. As June and July came and went I was starting to get worried because the cost in rent went up drastically in the past few years and every place I was remotely interested in was either crazy expensive, ghetto or too far away from where I want and need to be.

Then, one day I found this awesome house that was "cheap" for what it was so I emailed the person right away. Here's the first response I received:

Good day Applicant, Thanks for your email and interest in renting my house. I am Morgan Davis, the owner of the house you are making enquiry of. Actually I did reside in the house with my family, my wife and my only daughter before and presently we have moved out due to my official job transfer or posting, whatever you may call it, which has now found me in Warsaw, Poland. Presently my house is still available for rent for $900 USD per month (which includes utilities), though i intended selling it off but on a later thought changed my mind and have decided putting it on rent. More so now, I’m currently in Lagos, Nigeria for an international Christian follower's crusade taking place at the Nigeria national stadium, by one Pastor Chris of the Christ Embassy Ministry. I want you to understand that I spent a lot on my property that you have requested to rent, so I will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this house and would want you to treat it as your own because cleanliness they say is next to Godliness. It is not all about the money to be paid on rent or spent; it is all about a good maintenance culture which I want you to adopt on the property. I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that I would be full of smiles whenever I come and above all, a good, strong and tight relationship between us when I come for a check up. Please one more thing, I wouldn’t like to have any benefit of trust in you because I want to stand in your words that the property would be well taken care of all the time. Here is the address of the House again: 3945 NE 42ND AVE, Portland, OR 97213; as to really see how lovely it is if from only the pictures you saw in my posting compare to the 100% comfort to be derived from it as an occupant. Please note than you will only be able to drive by the house for now but can't have a look at the interior until I have sent the keys and documents of the house to you. Reason because, I couldn’t find someone trust worthy to drop the keys with as my call down here was so sudden. I do hope you understand. It has a dramatic entry foyer with ceramic floor. Extremely spacious rooms throughout with lots of big windows...nice and light! New neutral paint and some newer carpet. Very quiet, low traffic area. New fridge (7/07)...I believe it’s absolutely a perfect home for you and your family. Utilities include Water, Trash, Sewer, Gas etc. Please note that, a deposit payment would be required if accepted to have the property rented.. SO IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED I WILL WANT YOU TO FILL THE RENT APPLICATION FORM BELOW. RENT APPLICATION FORM. FIRST NAME:__________ MIDDLE NAME:__________ LAST NAME:__________ PROFESSION:__________ PHONE: _______________ (CELL)PHONE__________ (WORK)PHONE__________ (HOME)PHONE__________ ARE YOU MARRIED: __________ KIDS _____ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ________ PRESENT ADDRESS: _____________________ CITY: _______________ STATE:______________ ZIP CODE: ____________ HOW LONG ___________IF RENTING WHY ARE YOU LEAVING__________ IF THIS HOUSE IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU,HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING ____________ WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN ______________ IF YOU HAVE A PET: _________ NAME OF PET: _____________ KIND OF PETS: _____________ HABITS: ___________ DO YOU SMOKE ______________ DO YOU DRINK ______________ DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT ____ HOW SOON CAN YOU MAKE THE MOVE IN DEPOSIT ($900) REQUIRED: ____________ WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU WISH TO RECEIVE THE KEYS AND DOCUMENTS OF THE HOUSE: _______________ Looking forward to hearing from you with all this details so that I can present it to my family, pray over it (because I consult the Almighty God before making any decision) and if accepted, and then have them stored in my file in case of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you.. Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the keys to you, please we are giving you all this based on trust and again I will want you to stick to your words, you know that we are very far apart now and only putting everything into God's hands and hope that you will not let us down. The house will be available for rent for a period of five and a half years so you have a choice of deciding how long you intend staying there... Here is my number 011-234-807-206-7017, I will be expecting to hear from you. Feel free to call me for more information and arrangements. God Bless, Morgan Davis.

Now, I am pretty smart and I had a huge hunch this was total bullshit and I don't like religious fanatics but I was curious. I wrote back to him just to see what he would say and this is the response I got: the subject line said, "Acceptance"

Hello Nateesh,

Thanks for getting back to me with the completed Rental Application Form and i must let you know that i bless the minute you picked interest to rent my house and consider it a huge blessing on my path from God and yes, i have put it in pray that God will give me a responsible and God fearing person to rent my house and also one that walks in his ways and precepts and i can't thank him enough for bringing us together. Well, I just want to let you know that we have decided that you rent our house, as we have found your application very satisfactory and acceptable. So we would want you to go through this email and get back to us on what you feel so we could proceed in renting the house to you...

We will be sending the following documents to you via UPS to the contact address you sent to us and also with the tracking number with which the UPS service will operate, as to enable you pick up the House Keys / Documents from their office over there in order to have a full access into the house. Please once again, i want to trust you and i hope you do not disappoint us and I promise you that, you will love the house and not only that, you will also enjoy a good relationship between us.

The following documents are here with us as I couldn't find anyone whom i could trust to drop them with for this purpose. But never mind, the UPS service will do for that.

In doing this, you will need to make a security deposit payment which is refundable (should incase you don't like the house) to enable you secure the house and also,the shipment of the Keys and document to your current address that i have here in the rental form, after which you could move in at your convenience. The rent starts counting after 24 hours of moving in, you will be required to make the first month rental fees.

Here are the contents of the Parcel that Will be sent.

1) Entrance and the rooms Keys
2) Paper/Permanent house form
3) The house documentary file.
4) Full Description of the house
5) Payment Receipt

I will be receiving the security deposit of $900 from you via Western Union because l think it reliable, secured and fast, and moreover, my Christian team and I, got into Nigeria just few weeks back and we have been trying to settle down for our purpose. This has made it difficult for me to set up a bank account here for transaction like this. But never mind, I will be setting up one (Joint Account, for us) with the security deposit by this month for future rental payments.

With respect to this acceptance, i will be waiting to hear from you as to proceed with the delivery arrangements.

Thanks and Remain Blessed.

Regards,
Morgan.

What a bastard. Seriously? The sad thing is people fall for this shit. I drove by the house and there was a for sale sign in front and the house was listed for 375,000 and the real Morgan Davis' phone number was listed so I called. No one answered but on his voicemail he said to watch out for the fake Ad on craigslist. I wrote back and in the subject line it wrote, "Denied!" Then I wrote:

Hey Morgan Davis,

You're a piece of shit who uses God to try and scam people out of their money. Fuck you and your god, he's just as fake as you. Have a nice day fuckface!

A couple hours later the posting was deleted. He never responded. Seriously, I hate moving.

Third Times a Charm

On August 18th my mom and her boyfriend of eight years, Jim, said their vowels in front of a small group of friends and family at a little wedding chapel on the Las Vegas strip. Due to the world we live in you could watch the wedding live on their website.

My mom told us kids a few months back that her and Jim were getting married in August but it kind of just slipped my mind up until the actual day it happened. My pal Jarod and I were out enjoying some happy hour cocktails and I told him I needed to be at home or at least near a computer at 8 to watch my mom get married. Jarod became very excited about this prospect and said we could go to his house because he wanted to watch too.

He met my mom about seven years ago when her and my sister Nikki came to visit Portland about a year after I moved here. My mom didn't like Jarod at first even threatening to kick his ass but he won her over by the end of the night so much so that she was talking about flying Jarod to Vegas. So for years I got shit from Jarod about this saying that he was going to go live in Vegas with my mom and he would be my step-dad. This never happened thank god, I think it was just the alcohol talking.

Anyways, Jarod thought my mom was cool and was excited to watch her get married. We even stopped by the store and he bought champagne for the event. We set up the computer and he plugged in the speakers so we had surround sound for the joyous occasion. The website, 702wedding.com, had cameras set up throughout the chapel so you could see into any room. At 8 o'clock sharp the doors opened and my mom, accompanied by my uncle David, walked down the short isle to Jim, her third husband to be.

The ceremony was short and sweet. My mom was visibly nervous. I kept looking at her hands as she spoke because I know how much she fidgits when she is nervous. She is shy and doesn't like being the center of attention or speaking in front of crowds so I could tell she was scared. Jim's tie was way too short and it was really bothering Jarod as he sipped his slightly warm champagne. Jim's tie was too short and I would find out later that he was real self conscious about it but my mom picked it out and she insisted it was fine. Jarod wouldn't shut up about it though . The wedding was over in fifteen minutes and the preacher dude asked my mom if she wanted to say anything to anyone who might be watching online. She turned to the camera and nervously said "Hi guys!" waving to us kids. Then they took pictures and it was all done. My champagne was gone, Jarod was drunk and cracking a beer so it was the perfect time for me to exit.

Driving to my next destination I thought about how funny it was that mom had the perfect third wedding. It was at a chapel in Las Vegas that had a drive thru and I got to watch it live from Portland. She said one of the reasons they picked it was because they had the web-cam option and seeing that none of her kids could actually be there at least we could watch it as it happened. I didn't tell many people till after the fact and everyone seemed pissed that I didn't tell them so they could watch it too. It was just so last minute in my mind and I didn't think many people would give a shit. But they did so, sorry to the people who were bummed I didn't tell them ahead of time. This is her third marriage and hopefully her last so there probably won't be a next time. BUT if there is I will give you all ample warning so that you may watch my mom get married, again.

After thirty years, one thing I know for sure is...

Timing is a bitch.

The Paths We Take

I remember one Christmas I received a yellow boom box and the cassette tape of Michael Jackson's Bad. This wasn't my first intro to MJ but it was the first of his music collection that I actually owned. I listened to that tape over and over until it eventually broke. I did this often with tapes and boom boxes.

I am a very repetitive person. When I love something, I really love it--same goes with something that I do not like or even hate. I have always been this way. I become so passionate about something that I tend to overdue it to the point where I break or ruin it. It's not one of my best qualities as you can imagine as an adult this personality trait can cause conflict in 'real life.' All or nothing works for somethings but not everything. Lately I have been seeing a counselor about some issues, past and present, and that's one of the things I am working on, figuring out how to be in the middle and not always on this or that side.

Anyways, back to Michael. I love his music and anytime I had the means to attain a tape, CD or vinyl record growing up, I would. We never had money so often my brother and I had to save our lunch money, two dollars a day, in order to buy things we wanted or to have money for the weekend. After the trauma of breaking my first Bad tape, I purchased another one on sale at Kmart. I used to sing and practice all of his dance moves in my room and swore that one day I would be a bad ass dancer and singer.

It's weird to think about now because I have dedicated my life to education but since I was young, I always thought I was destined to be an entertainer of some sort. In many ways I guess you could say I am pretty entertaining but I always imagined it would be on a more global level not just at parties, bars or on the karaoke stage. Michael Jackson and Madonna were my main inspirations. I wanted to be just like them but better.

Somewhere along the way that dream became lost in the chaos of my childhood and I let it die. I always thought about it here and there but never thought of actually pursuing it. As I stumbled into my hellish teenage years and as my smart ass developed more of a personality, people always told me I should be a comedian or an actress. So I shifted my focus from music to comedy and acting. I always took theatre in school and even performed in some school plays but nothing ever came of it. I wasn't about to move to Hollywood to pursue a career in acting because as much as I hated Las Vegas, Southern California didn't seem any better. I always wonder if I could've 'made' it. Knowing me, I could've made it happen but I guess I didn't believe in myself and I didn't have any encouragement coming from the home front.

Now years and years have passed and I just graduated with my Bachelor's degree and I am about to start the last chapter in the fall: Graduate school. I am proud of myself and I know that I will be a great teacher once I get the hang of it. But sometimes I wonder if I am on the right path.

When I tell people who either haven't seen me in a long time or someone that I am meeting for the the first time that I am a History major and that I am going to be a college teacher, I always get the same surprised and shocked reaction, like it doesn't suit me or something because of how I am. I know it's not meant to be an insult or that they think I am not smart, I think when you know me or just meet me, it's hard to picture me as someone who loves history because most people think it's boring and I am the farthest thing from boring.

I guess my hope is that I can make History entertaining and that instead of being on a stage and having a mic in my hand, the classroom will be stage and a book will be my mic. Who knows if it will work. I just know that I was put on this earth to do something special, I am just not sure what stage I am supposed to be on sometimes but that's what life is all about; trying to figure it all out.

One month later

Well I have been back now for a month and I think the adjustment period is over. I heard it would be hard coming back but I didn't think it would this hard. For the first three weeks I would lay in bed till 7 a.m. wide awake because my internal clock was all messed up. I would then sleep in till 2 or 3 p.m. This was brutal and I am glad that I've returned to a somewhat normal schedule. I have still been struggling with my insomnia but it seems to be getting better the last week. 

The past month I have been so bored. I graduated on the 13th and now I am struggling to find something to occupy my time with till school starts again in September. I have been in school for so long that I don't know what to do when I am not. Unfortunately, reading is not an option. Being a history major requires so much reading and writing so anytime I get a break the last thing I want to do is read or write. I was so surprised at myself for keeping this blog going the whole time I was in Japan. I intend to try and keep it going but lately I just have been so lazy. I just need to do it everyday because it will give me something to do. But when it comes to reading, I feel like leisurely reading has been ruined for me because of school. Maybe I'll give it another shot.

I think one of the hardest things about returning back to my normal life is it's not often that you leave your life temporarily knowing that you will have to go start over somewhere else. Usually when we leave it's for a vacation or because we moved. It was really weird leaving and starting this somewhat new life knowing that it was temporary. It took me so long to get adjusted in Japan and then when I finally did, it was time to go home. It's so hard to explain how it feels but it's kind of a mind fuck. I keep thinking I see people here that I know but then realize that that person lives in Japan and not Portland. I also wake up in the middle of the night panic stricken because I thought coming home was a dream and I was still in Japan. I jump up and turn on the lights and breath a sigh of relief. 

My experience in Japan was hard but I think it helped me grow as a person and made me a better student. I would do it again and plan on returning someday, maybe to teach for a semester. I'm so glad to be home though. There are so many things that I like and dislike about this country and the same goes with Japan. One thing I realized though is that every country has issues and no one is better than the other. There are a lot of things we could learn from other countries and their cultures because they do some things better than us. And vice versa. Either way I am glad I live here, not just in Portland but in the United States. No country is perfect or ideal but you just have to be thankful for what you have and fight for what you want.

Another Flying Adventure.

     Sorry I haven't posted since I left the island. I want to keep this thing going now that I am home, it may not be as interesting but I need something to fill my time with.

Leaving Japan wasn't hard. I was sad when I said goodbye, shed some tears but mostly felt anxious to get on that big ass plane for the 9 1/2 hour trek across the Pacific and return to 'normal' life. 

     I've ranted about my fear of flying so I won't go off on another tangent however I will say there is no such thing as a good flight, at least for me. There is either: unbearable, horrendous, I almost died, fuck this I am never doing this again ever or just okay. My friend Izzy was my flying partner, who is just as scared of flying as me, if not even more. She has gone to fear of flying therapy and takes strong pills to help her relax. I take anxiety pills when I fly but after seeing what Izzy's pills do to her I realize I am taking the wrong ones. Hers work mine kinda work.

     When we left Japan swine flu was wreaking havoc on the already paranoid and overly cautious island. So when Izzy asked one of the flight attendants for something for her upset stomach, which was causing her to vomit, I knew by looking at the flight attendants face that Izzy had just unintentionally started a swine flu hysteria on our flight. It didn't help that an hour before this I asked for some type of headache relief. The fact of the matter was that the night before we all stayed up late drinking beer in the park. We barely slept so of course we were a tad bit hangover, some more than others. 

     Combine this with the fear of flying, eating shitty food in the airport, taking pills to calm your nerves, breathing recycled crappy air that makes your already dehydrated ass even more dehydrated and with the anxiety of returning home after being gone so long=one headache and one upset stomach. I tried explaining this to three or four flight attendants that came to check on us but you could tell none of them believed me and thought we both had swine flu. 

     I told Izzy to let me do the talking from here on out and if they asked, she was feeling better. We were not going to tell them how our finals were cancelled because of swine flu. I knew we didn't have it because no one in our city had been infected. I told the attendants this but it didn't help that Izzy had made at least a dozen trips to the bathroom at this point but I told them she only puked one of those times. Then one of them came over and told us that if Izzy wasn't feeling better by the end of the flight, he would have to contact the San Francisco airport and let them know we might be infected and that he had already notified the captain. Quarantine seemed inevitable. 

     In Japan they were quarantining people for 10 days and once I thought about this I started to freak out. I told Izzy she needed to just go to sleep and act like she feels better any time an attendant approached us. I had been in Japan for four months, she had been there for nine, there was no way in hell we were going to make it all the way home and then be stuck in San Fran in quarantine for 10 days. 

     For the rest of the flight, the attendants were extra careful and made sure they had no contact with us when serving us our crap food and drinks. At one point I asked one of them for a pen to fill out my customs sheet and when I was done I got up to return it to her. She looked horrified that I had even left my seat and refused to take the pen back saying I could keep it as a souvenir. This would have been a nice gesture but the pen was from a Hyatt hotel not from United Airlines so why the hell would I want a pen from Hyatt? I told her I didn't want it but she just insisted I take, refusing to take it back. 

     As we made our descent into San Francisco I envisioned health workers in hazmat suits awaiting Izzy and I. I had already planned an escape route and Izzy informed me she would not be joining me. As they came through the cabin for the last time to collect remaining trash several of them stopped by to ask how we were doing. I cut Izzy off and replied that we were doing great and that we just get a little nervous when we fly. They seemed to buy it because Izzy and I were scott free once we exited the aircraft. It was a tortuous flight as always but made especially worse by the stupid swine flu hysteria. I was forced to sit there the whole flight while Izzy was either puking or sleeping, thinking of different escape plans and various ways to convince them that we weren't infected with the flu. I guess one good thing came out of it though, I barely thought about crashing into the ocean or blowing up mid-air. I was too worried about the pigs.

 

Twas the night before Portland and all through the flat...

The blare of the television. The hum of the air conditioner. The sound of frogs and crickets spill in from outside. The garbage and recycling bins are overflowing with buyers remorse. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now that everyone is gearing up for their journey home, all of their impulse buys find their way into these bins. These sounds fill the flat and I am just sitting and listening...soaking it all in.

The goodbyes started today, with two of my flat mates. It wasn't emotional at all just a "hey, nice to meet you, take care" type of goodbye with a hug instead of a handshake. Tomorrow will be different though. Another person who I have become fond of, Izzy, is on the same flight as me so we will be leaving together. Izzy and Becca and their whole crew are the ones I have become close with the past month or so. They have all been here for a year and have forged long lasting friendships so saying goodbye will be hard. I can already tell that it will be cry fest 2009 and being the sappy emotional girl that I am, I can guarantee I will be crying as well. I would like to write something more than what I have but I can seem to find the words. All I can say is that it's been a long hard and amazing four months. I can't believe it's over. I will miss Japan but I know that I will be back. I will miss my friends, who I may never see again. I will miss. And I'm OK with that.

Little Red Buckets Revisited

I wrote about these little red buckets after my visit to the hospital a couple of months ago. Today, after putting it off for the last month, I returned to the hospital to take back my crutches. I've been avoiding doing this because knowing the Japanese, I thought this would be a long drawn out process. Japan must not realize that paper comes from trees because they require you to fill out a form for everything. In school I would get an insane amount of handouts each week. Seriously, the amount of paper I have been given in four months from my teachers is like one or two years worth at my school back home. It's ridiculous. Anyways, back to the hospital. I was sure they were going cause some big scene over the crutches. I suck at Japanese and they suck at English so A+B=procrastination. 

As I approached the hospital I noticed that it looked really dead, ha! no pun intended. There were no cars or bikes out front, no one smoking a cig outside, not a sign of life anywhere. I figured with the recent Swine Flu mess that this place would be crawling with people, all who swear that they have the flu. It was so dead that I thought maybe they were closed but as I approached the automatic doors they opened. I walked inside and it was the strangest sight ever. The whole place was completely empty. I have never seen a hospital empty before. The television was blaring with grunts from the Sumo match. It was really eerie. The only two people were these women behind one of the counters. I took my receipt and just handed it to them. 

Luckily, they just looked up my file and handed me my 5,000 yen($50) deposit and I was on my way. It was painless but creepy. I wanted to take a photo but the ladies watch me as I walked away. So I turned the corner and snapped the photo of the buckets and walked real fast towards the door. I looked behind me and they had come from behind the counter to look at what I took a picture of. I just pointed to the buckets, waved and walked out. 

Bugs and Pregnant Women

In the winter it's expected that a lot of insects go south, south meaning in the ground. Although the amount of insects decreases during the cold winter months, you still see some. However, since I have been in Japan I have hardly seen any insects, at all. It's not even that cold, at least not in the region that I live in. This bothered me for some reason and I found myself looking at the ground when I walked looking for any sign of life. I hate bugs, all of them-- except for ladybugs. This was getting to me though. I just wanted to see a goddamn bug. One day I walked into a swarm of nats and I got excited but nats are so boring. 

Another thing I noticed about Japan was that it seemed that bugs and pregnant women had something in common. No, pregnant women didn't go south for the winter but they were non-existent. Once I noticed that I had yet to see a pregnant women I started seeking them out, the same way I did with the bugs.  I began to size up any Japanese female with any sign of weight in their belly region, which was rare because most Japanese women are really thin. 

When spring finally made her appearance my search for bugs became more intense and I gave up on pregnant women. The opposite thing happened though. Instead, the warm weather brought out the pregnant gals rather than the bugs. I jokingly suggested to a Japanese classmate that pregnant women hibernate in Japan and she seriously confirmed that I was correct. I started seeing more and more pregnant bellies but still no bugs. 

Then last week, Becca was out biking around and she was attacked by mosquitoes. For some reason I was happy about this, not about her unbearable itching but the fact that there are signs of life here. Then last night I saw a small black spider in the living room. Once again I was quite happy about this. I hate spiders and bugs but for some reason it seemed weird that I hadn't seen a bug in months. I know they all have their purposes in the world but I guess I just got used to them bugging me. Ha!

You never know what it's like until you do it yourself

Sorry I have been slacking on the posts, I have been too busy dealing with Swine Flu. Well, not really but it's a good excuse. As far as my finals go, I had four classes. One of them we had an oral presentation that was 80% of our grade so that basically was the final. Another one was a take home that was handed out before the Swine Flu mess and I am just about finished with it. In another class we had a paper due on the day of the final so my teacher emailed us saying we could either do the paper or the final as a take home, I already had the paper done so I picked that option. The last class I had the teacher didn't feel comfortable just giving us a take home so he just factored the final out of the grading process and will be grading us on all of our assignments up until this fiasco. All and all I got away pretty easy. They still cancelled our graduation ceremony. And we didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of people or our teachers. Boo.

Every place in my city is sold out of face masks but we went into Osaka yesterday and hardly anyone was wearing one. I am not worried about it at all but they are advising us to wear masks to the airport and on the plane since airplanes are bacteria cesspools anyways. I bought some for the flight but don't plan on wearing them until then. The hysteria has infected some of my friends here and I think they think I am crazy for really not giving a shit. 

I cannot believe my time in Japan is over. The past month has been the best. I have gotten to know my flat mate Becca more and a few others from school and my dorm. I really like Becca a lot. She is 19 but she doesn't seem like it. I don't even know what that means really. She's been here for a year and I admire that she is young and has done something like this, all on her own. She's very bright and fun and reminds me a lot of Sierra. Not so much their personalities, hell maybe it's just because she's small and spunky. We've spent a lot of time together the past month and I really will miss her. I'm not sure if I will ever see any of these people again, nothing personal but we live in different worlds. I know though, if I am ever in their neck of the woods and vice versa, we would gladly put each other up. 

When I first got here I often wondered what in the hell I was doing. I had never felt so out of place. February was hell and dragged on. I honestly never felt so lonely in my life. March was bittersweet, had amazing visitors and an awesome time on spring break but then just like that...it was over. April came and I hurt my ankle and this has pretty much laid me out for the past eight weeks. I think I missed out on a lot because I was crippled. However April and May have flown by. I cannot believe that I will be home soon. It's so surreal. I think it might be hard coming home and trying to return to my life. I am excited but I feel nervous. So many things are going to be weird like eating or being social.  I guess it will be just like when I came here, a lot of people told me what to expect from their experiences of traveling, living or studying abroad either in Japan or elsewhere but really no one can prepare you for an experience like this. People keep telling me what it's going to be like when I go home but really I won't know what it's like until I actually do it. I can't wait.

Fucking Swine Flu Hysteria

Swine flu is in Osaka, which is 40 minutes away from my town by train so today they cancelled all final exams and closed down the school. Most students are happy that exams are cancelled but I have been studying/working my ass off so I am not happy. I am not sure what this means for our final grades but they're in meetings discussing it as we speak, sense my sarcasm? The Japanese are so goddamn paranoid in general so now that Swine Flu is sweeping Asia they are going crazy. One thing that has really pissed my off about Swine Flu is the way the media has covered it. It's bullshit and all they have done is create a massive hysteria. Yet another example of irresponsible journalism. How do these people get degrees and jobs? I don't think the media always realizes how much responsibility their bear when it comes to shaping public opinion. 

I know my school is just taking precautionary measures but people are rushing to the grocery stores stocking up on food because they have been advised to stay indoors. Seriously people. Do you know how many people died from the flu last year? 36,000. Did you hear about one of them? No. I know this is a bit different because it's a new strain so the unfamiliarity of it all makes it more threatening, I get it. But still. My last week in Japan, taken hostage by Swine Flu. Boo. I must be old because I am the only person at my school that is bummed that I can't take my finals. Oh and they cancelled our graduation ceremony that was on Saturday. Boo!! No free food or alcohol.

Japanese television...

includes but it not limited too: shows about cats, weird commercials where half the time you're not sure what it is that they are advertising, variety shows where they make fun of people to their faces, variety shows where people, usually Idols, who are famous Japanese people who sing act and dance, compete in weird games where the prize is a plague. There was a show on the other day where two idols played the first Super Mario Brothers on a Wii in a competition in front of a live audience full of girls dressed up as Mario. Oh and all of the variety shows have live audiences,who are really excited and loud and usually filled with girls.

 You wouldn't believe some of the shit that is on these variety shows. Another thing about the variety shows is they seem to have no real time limit. Like a show will start at 7 p.m. and have no commercials for like an hour and a half and then all of a sudden at 8:47 the show just ends. When there are commercials during any program, sometimes it's hard to tell if it was a commercial or just part of the show. Back home, you usually know when a commercials coming. The show will reach a climatic or exciting part and then the screen goes black and then BAM a commercial break begins.  Here, shit goes bam, bam, bam often leaving me confused on what was the show and what was the commercial. 

They have a foreign movie channel that mainly airs American movies called Movie Plus. There's a channel called Super! Drama that airs American television shows from classics like E.R. to the newest ones like Gossip Girl and you can opt for it to be in English with Japanese subtitles or  dubbed in Japanese. Japanese voice actors are amazing. It always looks like the actor is speaking Japanese. I don't know how they line it up so well but it's amazing. I guess voice actors are huge here and they win all sorts of awards for their work, with good reason. I wish I had a videotape so I could record some TV so you can see what I am talking about it. It's going to be really weird flipping through channels when I get home and hearing English on every channel.

 The commercial breaks on Super! Drama are weird too. The show will go for 45 minutes and then when it's over they show 15 minutes of commercials, instead of showing the commercial in between. At first I welcomed this method now I hate it because the commercials they show for those 15 minutes are always the same. Like clockwork, a few minutes before the next show starts a Proactiv commercial comes on where they have someone like Jessica Simpson try and say some of her lines in Japanese. It's painful. Even though I cannot understand most of the shows here I think I might actually miss them. They are so weird and unexplainable but they provide endless hours of entertainment. 

Lay off me, I'm starving!

Japan has this brand of ice cream called Lady Borden and let me tell you, it's literally the best ice cream in the world. I love ice cream and I have high standards. This stuff is amazing, it's like crack. My roommates and I all joke that crack must be the secret ingredient because it's extremely addicting. 

Japan also has the best yogurt I have ever had. It's so good. So here's what I don't get, they rule at making ice cream and yogurt so why the hell can't they make cheese?

The cheese here is a joke. It's disgusting. It looks like cheese but it has a weird texture and the taste, well, it's just plain wrong. It's like they put cheese flavoring in this weird substance and try and pull it off as cheese but it's not. You can find imported cheese but it's so expensive, which is why pizza here is like $30. 

I had no idea that I would have such a hard time eating here. I don't eat meat but I eat fish so I figured I would be OK. Wrong! They put meat in everything, I think just for fun or to piss me off.  

Only 11 more days till I can enjoy real food again. I haven't been starving or anything mainly due to various care packages packed with food but it will be nice to go to the grocery store and be able to read packages again but also just to enjoy eating again. I feel like I haven't enjoyed food much since I have been here. Also, I can't wait to have good beer, wine and cocktails again. Shit is gross here. Overall, I just can't wait to be home again, in case you haven't picked up on that yet.

The most expensive movie rental ever

Last week my flat mate Becca and I rented a couple of movies. One was some cheesy romance that sucked and the other was a movie about Bettie Page, which was pretty lackluster. We watched it on Wednesday night and went to return it on Friday only to discover that it was missing. We asked everyone in the apartment and everyone swore up and down that they hadn't touched it. We searched every where and it was nowhere to be found. Bettie Page just magically disappeared into thin air. The problem with this was that we rented the movies on another friends account. 

So today Becca and I went to the video store to see how much it would cost to replace it. On the way in I jokingly said to Becca, "What if it's 5000 yen($50)?" Becca laughed saying there would be no way, I agreed. It must've been the first time anyone had ever lost a DVD because the clerk involved every employee in the store, all of them looking quite distressed at this tragedy. Then I see one of them write 10,000 yen($100) on this form and I whispered to Becca that it was going to cost 10,000 yen. She was in denial for a second until the clerk said it out loud. Oh and they threw on a late fee too. So, a movie, made by HBO, was going to cost $102. We told them we would look for it again and come back. They gave us a month to return it and said there would be a $2 late fee everyday. 

Becca and I sat outside of the grocery store for an hour going through all of the possible scenarios of where this stupid fucking movie could have gone. We grilled all of our roommates and everyone adamantly denied removing it from the DVD player. We got home, filled with rage, mostly because it made no sense and because of the fact that we were going to have to pay for this stupid movie. We saw one of the roommates and asked her again if she had seen it. She said no. 

An hour later, Becca went into their room and grabbed the second DVD case out of her pile and guess what was in it??? The Bettie Page movie! This is after she repeatedly said she hadn't seen it! Becca came running out screaming and I joined her, jumping up and down throwing ourselves around the flat. We almost paid $100 for a DVD that was sitting in the next room the whole time. We think she just took it out and wasn't paying attention and mistakingly put it in her case. But for the love of Christ! Becca and I were full of rage for a good couple of days, especially the last couple of hours. 

What kills me is why the hell was that movie $100! Japan is so damn expensive and sometimes I think they do it to torture foreigners. I can't wait to come home!!

The Final Countdown

I come home in two weeks and I can't wait. It's crazy how fast the time has gone by. I haven't been posting lately partly because I have been busy with school work but also because I have been lazy. Right before I left Portland  I got the idea of starting this blog because I thought that it would be easier to post updates on how I was doing for everyone to read rather than me emailing fifty people. Somehow, this blog has become somewhat of a journal, sometimes personal, introspective--an overall outlet for me. In some ways, this blog has saved my ass here because a lot of the times it was the only outlet I had seeing that I haven't had much of a social life here. Yes, believe it. Ms. Social Butterfly, Life of the Party has had no social life in Japan.

When I was younger I wanted to be a writer. Growing up in an unstable and somewhat chaotic household, writing became a way for me to escape the craziness. I always excelled in writing in school however when it was pointed out by others that I did well, I felt that it inhibited me because writing became about doing it for a better grade or about trying to impress my teacher rather than doing it because it was something that I was passionate about. So I quit and lost one of my only creative outlets. This was around junior high. I always wonder what would've happened if I would've kept at it. Throughout the years, I would pick it up here and there but it would never go anywhere.

I just wish I could've realized that I could've kept writing, even if it was just in a journal. No one would ever have to read it and there would be no grade, no pressure. I was a bit reluctant to start again but really it kind of came out of nowhere. Like I said, I didn't plan on this blog being what it is. I know that my posts tend to be long, sometimes whiny or just plain boring and this has probably lost me some readers. However, I don't care if anyone reads it. I appreciate those of you that do but really this blog started out as something for you but has turned into something for me. I had no idea how much I missed it and really how much I need it. It's a part of me that I have let go for too long and keeping this blog has inspired to pick it up again. I think I will keep this going even after I return to Portland.  

Ignorance or Stupidity?

We were having a discussion class in class today about how a lot of the population of Japan depends on public transportation to get around. You really don't need a car here. Japan has the most efficient reliable public transportation system in the world. It's simply amazing. So this girl from Louisiana, who is always on her computer checking her facebook and never seems to be paying attention, blurts out, "Before I came to Japan I only thought poor people used the bus. When my parents asked how I got to school and I told them I took the bus, they freaked out and offered to send me money."

I couldn't help myself and blurted out, "Are you serious?"

She was.

Really? Only poor people use public transit. Even hours after this incident I'm still dumbfounded. 

Heroes....

Has hijacked my life for the past four days. I never watched it back home but they have been running a marathon all week and my roommate and I have been sucked in. It's Golden Week in Japan, which is a string of national holidays from April 29th-May 5th, so we have had no school which has enabled us to watch Heroes for seven hours a day. I am not kidding. It's pathetic. 

Now that's expensive!

Living in a foreign land usually involves using foreign currency. In Japan the currency is yen. 

It is often hard to take yen seriously because compared to American money because it looks like monopoly money. This is a problem because it's easy to spend it like it's fake money. Our dollar to the yen is usually weak but the recent economic crisis has made it worse. Great time to study abroad, it is so expensive to live here.

 To give you an idea about how expensive it is, I bought a six pack of 160z crap ass beers for 1640 yen. Seeing that I have a tattoo on my left wrist that says, "Do the Math," you would think I would've stopped dead in my tracks before making this purchase. Why? Well, 1640 yen is $17 American dollars. If I am paying that much for a six pack of beer it better be good. Sadly, it is not. It's the equivalent of Budweiser.

Issues.

I forgot to mention that a couple weeks ago I saw four mormon dudes on bikes near my school. I remember thinking too myself, "good luck with trying to convert a Japanese person to mormonism." Today, as I was waiting for the bus, I saw two of them walking towards me, bibles in hand. I do what I always do when I want to avoid someone, especially when it comes to someone who is on a mission to convert me, I pick up my phone and act like I am receiving a very important phone call. This always deters people. However, every once in a while the person(s) are completely oblivious and still try and talk to me. Then I say, "um, can't you see I'm on the phone?" I don't care if that's rude, I am on the phone and you're still trying to talk to me? Now that's rude. Leave me alone! 

When it comes to religion in Japan, almost 90% of Japanese people follow either Shinto or Buddhism. The other 10% is a mix of atheists, non-religious groups and religions such as Christianity, Hinduism, Islam and Judaism, bear in mind these are minority religions and their numbers are rather small. I was approached by Jehovah's Witnesses when I was in Hiroshima. And it seems as if the Mormons are trying to establish themselves here as well. Japan does allow religious freedom but it's interesting that most people do not convert considering how small the minority groups are.

The fact that this isn't a Christian country can account for some of their beliefs that foreigners, particularly the West, might have trouble with. One example is abortion. It's simply not an issue here. Birth control wasn't legalized until 1998 in Japan but even now it's rarely used. The most common form of birth control is abortion. The abortion debate in other countries is based off moral beliefs, i.e. religious beliefs. In Japan abortion is not a moral dilemma, it's just birth control. I'm all about "it's a woman's body and it's her choice" but using abortion as a form of birth control cannot be good for your body, especially if it's a common occurrence. Most Japanese people don't understand why abortion is such a heated issue in the West, especially in America.

On the other side of it because safe sex is not preached and rarely practiced, Japan is the only industrialized nation with a steady rise in HIV cases.  A lot of men do not use condoms here and the women don't seem to question it. Why would they? They aren't really educated about the risk of STDs or pregnancy like we are in the states. If they get pregnant they either have the kid or have an abortion, adoption is rarely an option. In Japan people have held a deep aversion to adoption because so much emphasis is put on blood relations so for some Japanese, another persons child would never feel like your own. Also, surrogacy is illegal. Someone cannot carry a child for you, which I think is completely wrong and is an example of the 'state' basically being in your bedroom. Too close for my comfort.

Another thing that is not an issue here like it is in the West is being gay. Like abortion, most people argue that the bible says it's wrong so therefore it's wrong, end of story.  Marriage is between a man and woman and blah fucking bullshit blah. Being gay is not an issue here morally, however culturally it's not something you talk about. The common attitude is, if your gay then your gay but just keep it to yourself. This may not be that much better than the states but at least here someone isn't going to hold up a sign that says, "God Hates Fags" or "You will burn in hell!" which by the way is one of the reasons I despise most religions. 

I am all about religious freedom however what gives anyone the right to think they can tell anyone how you should live your life and who you can sleep with or better yet who you can marry? Are you fucking kidding me? That is such a violation of the so called "freedom" Americans pride themselves on having and is why they think America is the best country in the world. These people are so full of hypocrisy and shit it makes me sick. Why can't people just live their lives they way they choose without being judged by someone who assumes that their religion and their beliefs are right?  

It's no wonder that Japan sometimes looks at the West with confusion when it comes to social and moral issues. The idea of an abortion doctor being murdered or members of a church standing outside of the cemetery of a gay Army soldiers funeral cheering his death saying it was God's punishment on America for tolerating homosexuality is just as perplexing as adopting or carrying someone else's child.  And at the same time the West looks at various social and moral issues in Japan with the same question marks above their heads. It's good to be critical and even better to vocalize it but it's also important to realize there's no right way to do things, there's just different ways. Even you don't always understand or agree with it, shouldn't you at least respect someone's right to do it differently?

I wonder...

How different my experience studying in Japan would be if I was between the ages of 18-20. I hate to make age such an issue. I always believed it didn't make that much of a difference, with most things, but after this experience I have to say that age does matter. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, for example if you go through a lot of shit at a young age you're usually a head of the rest but at the end of the day what it comes down to is this: No matter how smart we may be, in general it's our life experiences, good and bad, that are supposed to make us smarter, stronger people. We build from these learning experiences, hopefully, and become better people. 

The shit these kids are going through here I cannot relate to at all. Yes, I went through similar trials and tribulations but that was ten years ago. I don't relate to the person I was ten years ago, at all. It's just been hard not being able to relate to people here. I am the type of person who can find a common ground with anyone but I guess that's because I am not usually hanging out with 19 year olds who are spoiled and have never had to endure anything in life except for when their Japanese girlfriend, who they dated for 2 weeks, breaks up with them over a text message or even better, their rich parents told them no about staying in Japan this summer. 

I'm not trying to be harsh but seriously people, there are bigger concerns in the world but I guess not when you're 19. I know it's easy for me to say all of this knowing what I know now but I was never this spoiled or clueless when I was their age. There are a few people here who make the time here better so I guess I should just be thankful for them. I can't wait to come home. Made it three months, one more to go. This has been hard but its been amazing. I have learned so much about Japanese history and that's what I came here to do. 

DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying every 18, 19 and 20 year old is like this or is stupid, just a lot of the ones I have met in Japan. 

Fun, excitement, danger lurking around every corner...

well not really. Although on the way home from school today I did see some kids run out of a clothing store, which by the way is across the street from the police station, with a basket full of clothes they did not buy. One of the employees, who was a tiny little girl, ran after them right past me. I was in arms length of the thieves and thought about making an attempt at tackling them to the ground, but I figured this wouldn't help my ankle heal any faster. Then, this random dude on a bike sees what is happening and goes after the culprits. They turned into the park and I limped as fast as I could to see the action. By the time I got around the corner all I saw was the dude on the bike holding the basket of clothes talking to the employee but the thieves were no where to be found. I thought about yelling, "I've been to a Japanese prison, it's not worth it!" but I stopped myself. This was exciting seeing how nothing ever happens here. 

The city I live in has to be the most boring city in all of Japan. Seriously. There is nothing to do here except for karaoke and that gets really old real quick. I mean, I am good and all but even I get sick of hearing my own voice. There's not even a local bar to drown your sorrows in. If you want to drink it has to either be in the park, at karaoke or illegally in your dorm room. This is fine considering that I don't drink much here anyways but still. If I was a local business owner, I would open some type of bar in this neighborhood because it would attract hundreds of students. 

But the again maybe that wouldn't be a good idea seeing that more than half of the students here are between the ages of 19--21 and cannot hold or handle their alcohol, at all. The ones from the states are the worse because the drinking age is 21 so they haven't been tainted yet but all of the other students are from countries where the drinking age ranges from 16-20 so a lot of them have already pickled their livers. Nonetheless, if they're seasoned drinkers or not, this school is full of idiots and any amount of alcohol makes it worse. There are a handful of people that are an exception but you wouldn't believe some of these people. It's real disheartening sometimes especially when they are sober and in class.

There are so many times when I am class when one of the little pip-squeaks raises their hands and a collective sigh is heard throughout the room. The shit that comes out of their mouths is mind-blowing. My history professor, who I have for three classes, tries to just ignore their hands being waved in his face hoping and praying that either they will take a hint or maybe their hand will just fall off. Neither of them happen and we're often blessed with their stupid comments. I usually want to slam my head into the desk or better yet, slam their heads into the desks but I refrain. I'm not just saying this because I am older or because I think I am better, it's just that they are seriously lacking in common sense and some brain cells. I am not sure where the brain cells went, if some traumatic event occurred or if they were just born stupid but its alarming. 

My professor has addressed these concerns with me one day so I know I am not being too critical or judgmental. "If this kids are the future, we are in trouble," he said to me one day with his hands in his head. To make matters worse, the people I am talking about are always from the United States, besides this one girl from Canada who thinks she is 100% French and knows everything about France (even though she's never been there) because she's from Quebec. It's Canada not France, sorry not the same. The United States, as you can imagine from the great amazing job G.W. Bush and his administration did, is not looked upon in a positive light by a lot of the world. These imbeciles only add to people's negative views of America. 

I am constantly getting into conversations about how 'bad' America is and if you are from there you must be 'bad' too. This of course is not true. I love living in America but does that mean I agree with the decisions the government makes on behalf of the American people? No. In fact, since the beginning of our 'great' nation I would say I disagree with a lot of policies, foreign and domestic, adopted and implemented by the government. But that's a right I have as an American, the right to disagree and vocalize and even write about it without being persecuted and in the case of some countries, lose my life over it. 

There's a couple guys here who love Japan so much that when the America bashing starts they happily join in. My problem with this is, you can be critical, in fact I encourage it but if you really hate living in America so much, then fucking move because I guarantee there is someone who would gladly take your place. Do I think that America is the best place in the world?  No, but it has a lot to offer. It has many flaws but what country doesn't? Name a country that has equality for all of its citizens, doesn't have internal and external conflicts or corrupt politicians. If there is such a place, let me know so I can move there. It doesn't exist. Every country has its good and bad sides, you just have to pick what side you want to be on. 

Some more of your favorite subject...History!

       Japan’s march towards modernization and imperialism was done with remarkable speed. They went from a little island to the East to a world power in forty years. Like most people in positions of power, the Japanese government and military became overconfident an had an insatiable desire to dominant Asia, no matter what the cost. The crimes they committed against the people of Korea, China and Taiwan, to name a few, are horrendous and despicable. For six weeks in 1937, after the invasion and takeover of Nanjing, the capital of the Republic of China, the Japanese military destroyed the city, raped women, brutally killed civilians and prisoners of war with no mercy. The number of people massacred is debated amongst historians but it's around 300,000. That is more casualties than both of the atomic bombs used on Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945 and is why a lot of victims of Japan's aggression have the mentality, "so what," when it comes to Japan being victims of war. 

     In Korea and Taiwan, the Japanese military were not as brutal physically, meaning it wasn’t an all out massacre, but inflicted just as much damage. They forced Koreans to learn Japanese and adopt it as their official language, take on Japanese names and dispose of their traditions, culture and national identities. They enforced a strict policy of kneeling down every morning facing the East and bowing to the emperor, who was in Tokyo. If you did not participate and often even collaborate with the military, even if meant turning against your neighbors, you and/or your family would feel the repercussions, which sometimes meant do or die. Women were forced into prostitution, referred to as comfort women, who provided services to the Japanese military. Japan enforced a lot of these policies in Taiwan as well.  

       With the success Japan had achieved with it's attempt at modernization, which led the way for their imperialist goal to rule all of Asia, they felt there were untouchable and could take on any "enemy" both large and small. To understand Japan's brutal path towards imperialism and their eventually demise one has to understand why they justified their imperialistic march.

       Considered one of the founders of modern Japan, Fukuzawa Yukichi did not discriminate against the Chinese and Korean people when it came to his view on Sino-Japanese relations, but was very critical of their governments and their failed attempts in joining Japans path to modernization. Fukuzawa believed that in order for Japan to distinguish itself from a backward Asia they must enact strong policies against their Asian neighbors. He believed the war against China really stood for a war for civilization, professing, “a country which is trying to develop civilization and a country which disturbs the development of civilization.” He wanted to instill a sense of personal strength amongst the people of Japan and hoped that by modernizing they could build a nation that would rival all others. He wrote often about what it meant to be civilized and believed that civilization furthered education and knowledge.  

       In Fukuzawa’s editorial, “Datsu-A-ron,” he compares the spread of Western civilization to the spread of an epidemic. Although nothing can be done to prevent it he asserts that people should promote it so that they may enjoy its benefits. He felt strongly that Japan should disassociate itself with the rest of Asia rather than embrace it, thus creating a new ideology. He points out that although Japan, Korea and China were very similar to each other, their unwillingness to modernize would essentially lead to the demise of their nations. Japan wanted to gain equality with the West and Fukuzawa felt that they could never do so if their neighbors didn’t share their same aspirations. Korea and China were seen as weak. They were in no position to further Japan’s enlightenment, in fact Fukuzawa believed their stance could hurt Japan’s progress and could even affect Japan’s image with the West. 

Japan’s modernization likely came from the fear that if they didn’t they would be colonized by the West. Fukuzawa took the same stance towards Korea and China and help implement these policies in Japan. He felt Japan would have to deal with its uncooperative neighbors in the same way as the West, which helped fuel Japanese imperialism. Fukuzawa was not only a propagator of ideas on public policy but he sets up the climate for war giving an ominous prophecy of what was yet to come. With this ideology, their victories over China and Russia and their successes as colonizers, Japan felt they could take on the West-and win. 

How about some Japanese history!

       When Japan began to modernize in 1848, the West was aware of their attempt at modernization however no one took them seriously until they defeated both China and Russia.  The Sino-Japanese and the Russo-Japanese wars can be viewed as turning points because they produce victorious outcomes for Japan, elevating their international status.  After the Sino-Japanese war Japan becomes a colonial empire and after the Russo-Japanese war Japan becomes a world power. 

In the eyes of the Japanese, their victory over China was evidence that they were successful in their attempt to be the first non-white, non-Christian, non-Western power to modernize. This would put them on the road to imperialism changing political policies both internally and externally. The victory over Russia was viewed as impressive because they were able to defeat the largest land power and managed to reclaim territory and power that they were forced to give up earlier. The outcomes of these wars justified Japanese expansionism and imperialism. The elite preferred to conform rather than take a principled stand on new policies and personality became more important than character. The road to China and Russia make the road to Pearl Harbor much easier.

       Japan’s government was dominated by the military who was hell bent an establishing an autonomous empire. They embarked on the project of building an empire and the Meiji Restoration that began in 1868 helped pave the way for these goals. China saw Japan heading towards modernization and they feared that if they didn’t befriend their neighbors then Japan might side with the West. China’s unwillingness to change moral, institutional, political, familial and intellectual authority patterns would only hinder modernization in China and fueled Japan’s belief that if their Asian neighbors didn’t join them in modernization they would be colonized. China’s inability to modernize was due to many factors some being the lack of effective leadership, political weakness and corruption and no stability economically, setting the stage for rebellion and setting up the climate for war. 

Japan’s real interest lay in China’s tributary, Korea. Japanese policymakers, in both wars, believed that dominance over the Korean Peninsula would ensure their national security. Although Japan was considered a  “little weak country” and China a “big strong country” the Japanese were able to achieve success due to position, preparation and the “dash and willingness of the commanders to take risks.”  Japan’s victory over China did not earn them first class membership in the concert of powers but they were recognized as a rising world power. Their days of being colonized were over and they took the position of territorial imperialists.

        Japan’s modernization brought sweeping changes through the country. The overthrow of Tokugawa feudalism gave way to new institutional changes on the basis international example and national tradition. Unlike their predecessors, the Meiji leaders had no problem in reaching out to the West and felt that learning had to be sought “throughout the world” and not just limited to China. Japan sent many government leaders to Europe, Russia and the United States to learn the ways of the West. What they saw and experienced while they were abroad solidified their belief that they had a long way to go before the West would even considering revising their position on the unequal treaties that plagued Japan. 

This motivated Japan to speed up its process of modernization where they implemented campaigns for the expansion of the military, universal education, nationalism, and political participation from the masses. A Meiji Constitution in 1889 was the finishing touch to the institutional reforms sweeping Imperial Japan. All of these reforms changed the political climate in Japan, who were trying to maintain Japanese spirit with Western technology. Even with all the blatant evidence of change that Japan displayed to West, it still was not enough to force the West to budge of the unequal treaties, making Japan’s eastern neighbors the outlet for their frustrations, which led to Japanese expansionism in East Asia.

      Although the Sino-Japanese war helped Japan expand their overseas empire by acquiring Taiwan and the Liaotung Peninsula, Russia, Germany and France forced them to give back Southern Manchuria to the Chinese, “for the sake of the peace of Asia.”  This infuriated the Japanese but also made them more determined to not back down from the challenge of the West.  When Russia began to menace Northeastern China and Korea, Japan saw this as a way to take back their territory and power they felt was taken from them years before. When Japan went to war with Russia in 1904 they still hadn’t gained full membership in the inner circle of world powers but they desperately wanted to be. It’s safe to say that most people saw a Russian victory so when Japan defeated Russia, it sent a sensation across the world. Japan had finally grabbed the attention at the world stage and achieved equal status with the West. A non-white nations defeat over a Western nation was shocking to the West. 

Japan was determined to never feel the humiliation they felt in 1895 at the Triple Intervention and this probably motivated them for a swift victory over Russia, it was a narrow defeat however. Japan was able to regain power and territory, first from China and now from Russia, expanding her Northern borders and leading the way for Japanese control over Korea, without interference from the West. Although Japan wouldn’t be free of the unequal treaties till 1911, the victory over China and Russia was pivotal in shifting the world’s view of Japan as well as Japan’s view of itself.  The defeat over Russia also gave Japan a huge boost of confidence in the power of their nation’s capabilities but also to power of their military. It seems Japan became a bit overconfident and “too big for their britches” so to speak paving the way to Pearl Harbor.       

Capital Punishment in Japan

The death penalty is only handed out for murder and treason however it's rarely handed out for a single murder. Most people in Japan support the death penalty but the amount of executions per year are low, especially when comparing it to the U.S. Just to give you an idea of how many people have been executed in the last five years:

2004-two

2005-one

2006-four

2007-nine

2008-eleven

2009- four, so far

In the U.S. three people are scheduled for execution in the month of April.

Death row can't be a desired place in any country and Japan is no exception. They're kept in detentions centers and there are seven of them in Japan. The inmates are not considered prisoners by the  Japanese justice system since they are awaiting death and therefore they cannot be held in prisons, hence the detention centers. They are treated much harsher than prisoners. They are kept in solitary confinement and are only allowed out for exercise twice a week. They are rarely, if at all, allowed visitors and are not permitted to read books, watch television or talk to their fellow inmates. The length of time an average inmate is on death row is five to seven years, a quarter of the inmates have been on death row for over ten years and some for over thirty.

The executions are carried out by hanging. But you never know your date of execution, it's kept a secret till the morning of your execution. You wake up everyday not knowing if this is your last day on earth. That alone is part of your punishment. Can you imagine the torture of waking up everyday of your miserable life and not knowing if you'll see tomorrow? Then again, life is so bad on death row maybe they don't care about dying, I wouldn't. They tell you in the morning and before lunch you are allowed to pick your last meal. They inform your legal representatives and family members after you have been executed. 

As for as the execution goes, in order for the guards carrying out the execution to have a clean conscience, at the same time two of them push a button that releases the floor beneath the inmate. Therefore neither knows who actually carried it out easing any guilt. It seems like Japan scares the shit out its citizens from committing crimes and it seems to be one reason why crime is so low. I feel safer in Japan than I do in the states but I'd much rather go to prison in the states than in Japan. 

Doing Time

Japan is an island of 127 million people. It has the lowest crime rate out of any industrialized country in the world. Yes, crime does happen here but it’s probably the safest country you could possibly be in. I feel safer here than I do back home, without a doubt. With that in mind let’s talk about the prison system in the safest country in the world. The prison population in Japan is about 70,000; in the state it’s over two million. As we approach the gate it’s hard to believe that this building is a prison. It looks like most government buildings in Japan; sterile, boring and stale but with barbed wire. We are escorted to a room that bares a massive Japanese flag. We are told that the warden is heading are way where he will talk about the prison, then we will watch a short film, take a tour and then come back to the room for a question and answer segment.

 The warden looks like a warden; stiff, serious and by the book. This prison holds 706 male prisoners but is past its capacity. The youngest is 24 and the oldest is 85. Most of the prisoners are first time offenders and crimes range from theft (the most common crime committed in Japan), sexual crimes and murder, all them live together no matter how serious or minor the crime. First of all to get to prison doesn’t seem easy. The justice system seems to give you numerous chances before actually locking you away; obviously the nature of the crime is a factor. In Japan, they don’t hand out lengthy sentences. Most sentences range from 8 to 11 years, no matter what the crime is, and life sentences are rarely handed out (only three were handed out last year). I’ll talk about the death penalty later. So a thief, rapist and a murderer could relatively serve the same amount of time. The prison system is structured to resocialize, rehabilitate and reform the prisoners. But the fact of the matter is, life in a Japanese prison is not good. I remember one of my peers saying that he felt safer in Japan than his own country but he would rather go to prison at home rather than Japan. At the time I didn’t really think about it but after this visit I began to understand why.

 After being sentenced they are separated by gender and sometimes by the severity of their crimes and placed in certain prisons to meet their individual needs. Upon arriving, the resocialization, reeducation and reform process start right away. You have to take an aptitude test so that can place you into the right job, which is what you spend most of your sentence doing, working. You meet with a counselor and discuss the nature of your crime, showing that you fully understand what you did and that you are remorseful. If you display neither, you are immediately sent to solitary confinement, which as you can imagine is a small room in the depths of hell with no window, filled with bugs and a dingy mattress. From 7:30 a.m. till 5:30 they have you sit Japanese style on the cold cement. You are not allowed to move and are only given a bathroom break when the guard sees it necessary. You stay there until you can demonstrate to the proper officials that you recognize your crime and are committed and open to your rehabilitation.

 It seems like prisons in Japan are like labor camps. You wake up at 7 a.m., eat breakfast in your cell and head to work. You wear a prison uniform that eerily resembles the garb concentration camp prisoners wore. On your way to work, you stop in a room and strip down in front of the guards and change into your work uniform, which is a light melon green color. You work all day every day, whether it is in the factory, the classroom or with a counselor, with a lunch break and then return back to your cell. You have to pass through the room again and change back into your prison uniform, walking past the guards naked to make sure you aren’t hiding any weapons. You eat dinner in your cell and have a little free time to read or watch TV and then it’s lights out at 9 p.m. After this time you are not allowed to talk to your cellmates. Guards patrol the halls of the cells all night long and anyone caught talking will be sent to solitary confinement. The cells are small and house seven prisoners. There are single cells but are set aside for people with special circumstances i.e. they are a danger to others.  The cells do not have air conditioning or heat, no matter if the prison is located in the North where it reaches below zero temperatures all winter or in the South where the summer heat and humidity is unbearable.

 The cost of keeping someone incarcerated in the United States is about $40,000-50,000 a year but in Japan they try to make it as cheap as possible so that taxpayers aren’t stuck with a huge tab. The warden couldn’t give us an exact amount but said it cost about $4 a day to feed a prisoner and they use the cheapest products available so the cost is lower compared to the U.S. The prisoners are paid 2,000-3,000 yen a month for their labor, which is $20-30 American dollars. The work they do in prison is not like in the states where they make license plates. It’s more like weaving, sewing and woodworking. It’s extremely intricate, time consuming and painstakingly detailed. They are not allowed to bring in personal items from home when they arrive, everything is provided by the state. They are allowed to purchase 3 magazines or books per month ad there is no underground black market trading system. Cigarettes, alcohol and drugs are not a part of prison life, seriously though they are not.  As far as visitors are concerned, you are only allowed 3 visits a month by immediate family members only, no friends, for 15 minutes. If you don’t have a family then you are not allowed any visitors. There is limited contact with your visitors so conjugal visits are not allowed. You are allowed to attend religious ceremonies, Buddhist and Christian priests visit the prison weekly. They have sporting events, like baseball and have entertainment nights where they can sing karaoke. They are allowed to observe and participate in national holidays.

 In the summer they get to take three 15-minute baths a week and in the winter they get two. The shower/bath house fits 90 prisoners at a time and is obviously patrolled by guards. What I find interesting about the guards is they don’t carry weapons, nothing not a gun, a billy club or even pepper spray. While there are at work there is one guard per one hundred prisoners. This was shocking to me. This would never happen in the states, if it did there would be serious consequences like riots and murders. Last year at this prison in particular they was never an attack on a guard by an inmate. There is violence amongst the prisoners but it’s rare because no one wants to go to solitary confinement. For the most part, homemade weapons are rare and their cells are checked everyday. The warden did not mention this but Japanese prisons are somewhat known for abusing and/or torturing their inmates when they violate prison rules. Japan has been cited by Amnesty International for their abuse of inmates but who knows how effective the citation has been.

 When we walk through the different factory type rooms the guards yell at the inmates to not look at us as we pass through. Of course they do though after all we are foreigners. It felt weird to pass by these men knowing that some of them had committed rape and murder. I made eye contact with a few of them. Some of them had sad eyes and others were evil. We passed through four rooms filled with prisoners and I couldn’t limp fast enough. We saw all aspects of prison life but I couldn’t help wonder how hard they had prepared for our visit to make sure everything was exactly as it seemed.

 The question and answer section was totally controlled by the warden and he had a good way of dodging questions or just straight up lying. Of course we didn’t know this till later because he didn’t speak English and our professor was doing the translating. As soon as we got back on the bus our professor informed us of the wardens brilliant ways of getting out of answering questions completely, at all or truthfully. Of course he is not going to make Japanese prisons look bad to a group of foreigners. So a lot of what he left out our professor filled in the missing pieces.  An example is homosexual activity. Someone asked if it happened and the warden answered with a stern “No” because it was forbidden and prisoners don’t break the rules.  Now it may not be like it is in the states, with the joke about not dropping the soap in the shower, or becoming someone’s “bitch” but does he really expect us to believe that it never happens? Seven men to a cell and no homosexual activity takes place, at all? But he was adamant and quickly moved on to the next question.

 The objective of making prison life miserable is to ensure a low rate of repeat offenders. Most people who commit a crime in Japan and serve a sentence don’t often reoffend because they know that prison is no holiday. This may contribute to low crime rates in Japan but another reason is shame. The family structure in Japan is extremely important and sacred and when you go to jail you bring shame to your family and its name. This may not be an ideal we can relate to but it’s extremely important to Japanese people. Another reason why crime is so low is because Japanese people do not bear arms. I am not saying that no one has a gun in Japan but it’s pretty rare. After their defeat in WWII, the allied occupation disarmed Japan and they haven’t, as a society, embraced arms again. Of course you have your exceptions, like the Yakuza (the Japanese mafia) and of course law enforcement.

 There has never been a successful prison escape in Japan, attempts yes but none of them were successful. Upon finishing your sentence or if your sentence is shortened, you are given a completion ceremony and presented with a certificate. Your family is allowed to attend. The objective behind this is to make the inmates feel that they have been rehabilitated and have accomplished a great feat giving them hope that they can be acclimated back into society.  Although I don’t agree with the torture, abuse and conditions of solitary confinement it does seem like Japanese prisons have a higher success rate compared to the U.S. when it comes to rehabilitation. I’m so glad I was able to go on a tour of a prison even if it was somewhat sugarcoated by the warden, it gives me a better understanding of the legal system in Japan. It's an experience you can't get from reading a book. That's one of the most valuable aspects about my time here, experiencing things like Hiroshima and doing time in Japan. For as hard as it has been for me to be in such a foreign land, it was been life changing and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. 

 

You know you've been in Japan too long...

When you become irate over the fact that you waited for the bus for a half hour. I'm spoiled, I know. I have never waited for more than 6-7 minutes top for a bus here. Something happened and screwed a few bus lines up and people were freaking out over it, including myself. When you  pay 450 yen for a jar of olives that contained maybe 12 olives at most. 450 yen is over 5.00 American dollars. When you get excited about finding cereal that you don't look at the price only to discover that it was about 5 bucks as well but only contained 2 bowls. It's like highway robbery living here sometimes. I just returned from my prison tour but can't write about it now because I have way too much homework. I haven't posted much on here lately because I have so much I want to write about but don't know where to start. Plus, I have a lot of work to do for school so it will have to wait.

I'm going to Prison

On Tuesday, for a field trip for one of my classes, we're touring a Japanese prison and then the warden is going to give a talk.  It's the only time in my life I'll be able to go to prison and leave the same day. I'll report back to you sometime after.

Ankle update...

still swollen and sore. I can't sleep at night, what's new though. I am still using the crutches and I am really happy about it. Why did this have to happen in Japan! It's week three and I feel like I'm missing out on so much because I haven't been able to go anywhere besides school. 

Don't fear the reaper, it's just the Ambien.

For those of you who don't already know this, I suffer from chronic insomnia and have since I was pretty young. I have tried everything but have never been able to alleviate my suffering. I have always refused meds because I didn't want to become dependent on a pill in order to sleep. About six months ago, I decided that maybe I would just get some type of sleep aid from my doctor just to see how it worked. He prescribed me trazedone, which is usually used to treat depression. It made me feel drugged out, a feeling I absolutely hate, but didn't help me sleep any better. Right before I came to Japan I mentioned that the trazedone was a failure to my doctor and he prescribed me Ambien. 

 I remember the commercials but couldn't remember much about it. As I was waiting for my prescription to be filled the pharmacists came over and told me she needed my ID and then needed me to sign some form for the pills. I just stood there looking at her with a confused look on my face. I've never had to give my ID or sign a waiver for a prescription before. She looked annoyed so I caved in and walked out of there with a bottle full of pills, actually more like a bag full of pills but that's another story.

 They slipped in a sheet in my bag with a bunch of information and warnings about Ambien. After reading them with my mouth open, I decided that the chances of me ever trying them were minimal but I threw them in my suitcase just in case. Here is what was on the piece of paper. 

“Some people using this medicine have engaged in activity such as driving, eating, or making phone calls and later having no memory of the activity. If this happens to you, stop taking Ambien and talk with your doctor about another treatment for your sleep disorder.

Ambien can cause side effects that may impair your thinking or reactions. You may still feel sleepy the morning after taking the medication. Until you know how this medication will affect you during waking hours, be careful if you drive, operate machinery, pilot an airplane, or do anything that requires you to be awake and alert. Do not drink alcohol while you are taking this medication. It can increase some of the side effects of Ambien, including drowsiness. This medication may be habit-forming and should be used only by the person it was prescribed for.”

 They lost me at not remembering driving while I am asleep. I know that the drug company has to warn you of all possible scenarios so no one can sue their ass and in fact the % of people who actually experience these side affects is  low. I get it but it scared the shit out of me. So since I have been in Japan I haven’t touched them. That is until last week. As I mentioned before the painkillers here are like Ibuprofen. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t sleep so one night I caved and popped an Ambien. It was the best night of sleep of my life.

 The next night I was plagued with the same dilemma so I took another Ambien. Same results. However, when I woke up during the night the grim reaper was standing at the end of my futon. I swear I was fully awake too. I slapped my face a few times, turned away and looked again and he was still standing there. I must say he’s much shorter in person. I turned and faced the wall falling into a deep slumber. The next day I awoke really groggy and I realized it was because I slept 13 hours. I know when you’re body is hurt, it likes to sleep a lot so that you can heal but I couldn’t help but think the Ambien played a role in it. I thought about the grim reaper all day and even questioned my sanity a few times but brushed it off as an isolated incident.

 That night I popped another one and awoke in the middle of the night to the grim reaper again. I was like, “Look dude, it’s just my ankle. I’m not going over a stupid reason like that.” He just stood there and motioned for me to follow him but I respectively declined and went back to sleep. The next morning I was so freaked out about seeing this dude twice. I was thinking that maybe it was my time because why else would he keep showing up? I was awake both times and he was really standing there. I went to school very troubled. Later I looked up Ambien on the web and was quickly reassured that I am not going on a one-way trip with the reaper and that I was not crazy. One of the side affects is hallucinations. I was so relieved.  I haven’t taken a pill since. My ankle hurts like hell and I haven’t been sleeping again. Obviously, it’s 2:35 in the morning and I am writing a blog about the grim reaper. I’m sure Ambien does wonders for some but I’ll stick to my restless nights because I don’t ever want to see the reaper again.