Are you new here?

This week has been so exhausting, the hardest yet. A lot of it has to to so with studying my ass off for my language courses only to see no improvement. I'm the type of person who loves to see the fruit of my labor. I love the end result after I have worked hard for something. I love to overcome challenges and obstacles that life loves to throw in my direction.

No one likes feeling defeated. I study so much for these classes but to no avail.  I am still doing poorly. After 4 weeks of hard labor, it' s still not "clicking."

One of the language courses, Intro to reading and writing, is a 1 credit course and only 5 weeks long. Next Thursday I have a final exam for it and then I am done. I won't pull an A by any means but I will pass. The other class, Spoken Language 1 is the one that I am so worried about. It's the whole semester and it's getting harder and harder. It doesn't count for credit for my degree but will affect my GPA. I'm so pissed about this. I do well in school usually so the thought of not doing well drives me crazy and pushes me even harder to try and understand it. I studied for 6 hours the other night and 4 tonight. I just want to see positive results for the love of god.

 Anyways, enough about that. Being exhausted mentally and emotionally takes its toll on your body. My life here is so strange. I haven't connected with that many people here. I know I already mentioned it but there are a lot of dorks and weird people that come to Japan to study. And it's not just me that thinks this. I have had many conversations with people who were here last semester about this phenomenon. Japan attracts a weird bunch of people. I don't know how to really explain this to you because I don't get it. You have the guys that are obsessed with Japanese manga (comics) and anime, which don't get me wrong I like comics but these dudes are the creepy dudes who look like they might shoot up a school and want nothing to do with anyone that doesn't share their love for Japanese pop culture, seriously.

You have your guys and girls who have a love for Japanese dudes and girls and come here looking for love, no joke I have been told this by them directly. You have your group of people who for whatever reason got into Japanese everything, hate their home countries and want to make Japan their home. They hate everything that isn't Japanese. You might think I am being dramatic or exaggerating but I am not, wish I was.  I have had too many conversations with these people to make this shit up.

Then you have the people who are majoring in Japanese language or history, international relations, business or Asian studies. These people, myself included, range from pretty cool to "what the hell are you talking about? please never open your mouth again, ever cos I want to punch you," to "why do you think you know more than the teacher?" to "you seem pretty cool, lets grab a beer sometime."

The latter are very rare. I'm the type of person who can pretty much find anything in common with anyone. I have always been able to relate to people. But here not so much. I was thinking about how different my experience in Japan would be if I was just traveling around instead of going to school. I'm surrounded by more international students than Japanese students for the time being due to the Japanese academic calendar. Right when we started this semester the Japanese students were taking their final exams and heading off for spring break. They get two months for spring break by the way! They return at the end of March right after our measly 10 day spring break. There are Japanese students on campus now but not many so it will be interesting to see how things change once they come back. I am told that the campus will triple in size.

Basically, I can't stand more than half of the people on campus. There I said it. It's also hard for me because  I would say over half of the students here are extension students from last semester so they have their cliques and friends and don't care much for newbies. Yeah I have been called a newbie so many times. What the hell is this, high school? Oh wait, kinda cos everyone is 19 and 20! Sorry, obviously I am having a bad day. I don't stand out on campus but when I leave the gates of school, I get so many stares from people. I used to bow my head and say the appropriate greeting while making eye contact but a lot of people don't say anything and just stare at me with their mouths open. So now I just stare back but you know how when you catch someone staring at you they look away? Well not here, they keep staring so then you get locked in a vicious staring contest battle they you have no hope of winning. They will never back down, not yet at least. So after a month in Japan, I am the new girl who is old, has no friends, gets stared at, sucks at Japanese and rules at history.

Say Cheese!

My mind gets a work out here daily. It's beyond the frustration in my language courses and the stimulation from my history classes. It's things I observe daily that I can't really describe to you with words. It's a different world here. Different culture. Different language. Different ideals. Different customs. Different different different, everything is different. I need to write more often as I see things so that they don't become just another stored memory in my head which is full of memories that aren't always shared with everyone. I have traveled a lot in my 29 years and I hardly have any photos of any of my adventures. Sierra, who is a photo taking maniac, even before she had a kid, has always gave me shit about that. She never understood how I could see the world but not document it with a photo. I always argued that I documented it in head--I have the worlds best memory and it's not just visually. The way I always looked at it was those images and memories are forever cemented in my head and if anyone is curious to see what other parts of the world looks like then maybe they should see it for themselves. I am not being a jerk but I want all my friends to see the world. I have never had the desire to take a photo just to show them what it looked like because, for one I suck at taking pictures and secondly, pictures don't always do the things you see justice. So I always stood my ground--no photos. Upon finding out I was accepted to this program, Sierra wasted no time telling me I better take pictures. I finally caved because I figured being here for 4 months is a long time and maybe I should stop being so strict with my no picture policy. Sierra was quite pleased. I purchased, what I thought was a good digital camera(it sucks), before I left promising that I would take loads of pictures. I think I am doing pretty good so far. I don't leave my house without my camera and always see things I want to show people back home. But I am constantly let down by my photo taking abilities. Sierra was always the one to document our adventures together and with friends, I'm used to her doing the dirty work cos she's good at it. I have a box of photos from the past 15 years and Sierra has pretty much taken all of them. Every time I come visit her she busts out 2 or 3 photo albums that she's compiled since the last time I saw her. I have given her shit about this forever. I always told her she was going to be one of those moms who has whole walls filled with pictures of her kids. She will fulfill that prophecy I guarantee it. But I love that about her. When I moved to Portland  I, in some sense, lost my personal photographer but met another photo whore, Kristin. So I became dependent on her to document our crazy dance parties and out of control antics. She has an eye for things. She can capture the right moment in the middle of chaos or find the perfect light and make a trash can look beautiful. I always admired that about her because I straight up suck at taking pictures. Since I have been here I always think about Sierra and Kristin's photo capabilities and I try and learn from them but still seem to fail. I think maybe that's why I have never taken photos. I want to remember things as I saw them and a lot times by taking a crap ass photo, it sort of takes something away from me. But alas, I will continue to capture Japan in any way I can even if it means taking out of focus, crappy pictures because maybe you guys can get a glimpse into this different world I live in. In some weird way, taking pictures and posting them for you all to see waters down the loneliness that I feel here because in some way it makes me feel connected to the things and people I miss the most.

Hiragana, Katakana, fuck yo' mamma!

As I exited one of my language courses feeling frustrated as all hell, I saw Paul, who is 20 and from the UK and is so bitter and jaded that it's charming. I thought I was bad but he puts me to shame. He's funny about it and not a drag to be around by any means. He attends the same uni (that's what they call university's in the UK) as Becca. 

Anyways, he hates Japanese everything, the food, language and well, everything really and often wonders aloud why the hell he came here in the first place. Anyway, I saw him right after I about pulled my hair out over the lesson on the difference between hiragana and katakana characters and he said how are ya and I blurted out, "Hiragana, Katakana, fuck yo' mama!" Then I paused and thought, oh shit, yo' mama jokes are common in the states but I don't know about anywhere else but before I could second guess myself any longer, Paul burst into laughter. Last night at karaoke he told everyone what I said and everyone, including the Japanese students, thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. I was a hit. They might have thought I was OK before that comment but now they think I'm hilarious, which I am, they just hadn't seen it yet!

That lady with the red hair.

That's what one of my flat mates called me when Becca asked her who was in the living room. She replied, "The lady with the red hair and someone with black hair." Becca says, "Nateesh and Paul?" She replies with a yes. 

Well, there are a few funny things about this. A: she's been living with me for three weeks and has had many conversations with me and has heard my name a million times but she still doesn't know it? B: Lady? I'm not offended she forgot my name because lets face it, it's hard to remember cos it's different but lady? A lady is someone who is much older than me and someone with a lot of class, I have charm but not much class. C: The person with the black hair she was referring too was actually her other flat mate, Kim, not Paul who lives downstairs. 

What the hell? There are four rooms in our flat. Two single rooms, I have one and Jess has the other. Kim and Maggie share a room and Becca and Tierra share the other. Jess is Chinese and British. Her parents are both chefs so she always makes the best looking food, girl can cook. She's really cute. Becca is from Wales and speaks fluent Welsh. She's 19 and is becoming one of my favorite people here. It's been so funny talking to her about the differences between America and Britain. I feel like I have been able to break some stereotypes she has had about Americans and vice versa. She reminds me of my best friend Sierra, in the sense that she is petite, short and spunky. She has excellent style too. She has a habit of opening the fridge and then just leaving it open as she cooks and eats her food. The other day she took some leftovers out of the fridge, sat down and cleaned her plate, washed her plate and then shut the door. I pointed this out to here and she started laughing saying that she thinks she secretly does it to spite her mom because any time she opens the fridge back home, even if it's for a second, her mom yells at her to close it so no flies get in. HA! 

Tiera is 20 from Maryland and loves Asian everything. Girl has been to Korea, China and Japan numerous times. She doesn't drink and I have a sneaking suspicion that she might be sort of religious. She seems very clean cut, doesn't drink or cuss and seems very proper. Both of her parents work for the government. Kim is 20 and from Texas but she has been going to school in Madrid, Spain for a while and plans to finish her degree there. It's an American university but in Spain. Her mom is Japanese so she grew up with a lot of Japanese culture and food as well as coming to Japan all her life. Maggie, another one of my favorites, is 25 and from Philly. She cracks me up. She is a very unique person. She has her own style and has a bad ass bike. Her boyfriend lives in Osaka, which is 4o minutes by train, so she leaves every weekend to see him. His name is Nori and I think he used to live in Philly but they never knew each other. She is in 5th level Japanese and is super good at it. After she's done here,  she got accepted to this 9 week intensive Japanese language program in Vermont where you can only speak in Japanese at all times. She has a lot of charm and cusses a lot, which I like. 

And then there's me. 29 year old from Portland, Oregon who sucks at Japanese. I have been sort of shy and timid and not the crazy outgoing Nateesh everyone knows and for the most part loves. I'm starting to come out of my shell and you have no idea how weird it is to say that cos I have never been in a shell, ever! But it's taught me a lot about myself and I am glad that I am here on this crazy adventure. I often feel lost and frustrated yet at the same time I feel like my eyes are wide open. I love learning about different cultures, Japanese and beyond. In the states a hot toddie is a hot delicious whiskey drink but in Britain it's a hot athletic man. A fanny is an butt in the U.S. but in Britain it's the slang for vagina. When they sneeze in Britain they say tissue as they do it, why? Well, I guess it's from an old Nursery rhyme that goes, "Ring around the rosies pocket full of posies tissue tissue we all fall down." We know that one but ashes replaces tissues. I don't get it. When you want to knock on someone's door, it's called bashing. There are tons more that I can't think of right now so I'll have to get back to you. 

にほんご wants to kill me.

Thursdays are hell. I go to school all day, five out of six of my classes back to back with less than 10 minutes in between each class. I am usually ready to shoot myself by the time it's over and have no desire whatsoever to walk home.  Today was especially bad because this week has taken its toll on me mentally. The language classes are killing me but I refuse to go down without a fight. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt this challenged as far as academia is concerned. When I was taking Russian like a year ago, I was pulling my hair out but this is ten times harder. I was letting it get the best of me the other day and was so close to saying fuck it, I'll get an F, but then I remembered that I felt this same way with math and I conquered that shit. Math, music and language are on the same side of the brain and are harder for your brain to process the older you get. Seriously though, all this week I have been working so hard with very little improvement it seems, that I physically feel and look exhausted. As I was making my way home, I had the most bitter look on my face. My feet have blisters from walking so much and it was just about to rain. My favorite leopard print umbrella, that I bought almost 8 years ago when I first moved to Portland, broke on me the other night. I was so pissed. So, I am walking and thinking too myself that if it starts raining I might have a breakdown. I'm getting closer and closer to my dorm and in the distance an old man on a bike looking sharp in a 3 piece suit is approaching. I've made it a habit of making eye contact as I pass people on the street and giving them the proper greeting but most of the time the locals and internationals don't look at me or hear me or they ignore me but I still do it, even when I am having a shitty day. Well, I see this man coming closer and closer and he has the biggest cutest smile on his face and I'm thinking that he won't even look my way but I'll say hello anyways and right before I could get Konnichiwa out of my mouth, he said it first. I said it back as he passed and then he yelled out in the cutest broken english EVER, "You have great smile!" It started to rain but I didn't care because the little old dude on the bike made my day, hell-- he made my week. It's so cliche but true but sometimes it really is the little things in life...

Earthquake!!!

I was just awaken by a small earthquake. I'm not a fan on the earth shaking especially seeing that I am on the 5th floor of my dorm. Just like California, Japan in expecting the "Big One" one day too. Shit better wait till I am off the island!

Ohoyaoo Goizamasu (Good Morning!)

Well, last week was pretty bad for me as far as adjusting to life here. I realize now that I am the only person who can make this a positive/negative experience. I think I was getting way too emotional about being homesick. I'm ruled by my heart so being away from everything I love really took its toll on me. I had a reflective weekend and feel like I am back on track and done being a baby. 

Japan is such a crazy place. I could try and describe it to you till the cows come home or show you through pictures but really none of it does this place justice. I every time I step out of my place my mind gets blown away by something. I love that because I like seeing new things and no matter how much I miss home, I'm used to everything there and don't get to see new and exciting things that often. I know my neighborhoods and my peeps, I know what to expect when I take the bus downtown, I know who I'll see on any given night when I walk into my place of employment/favorite bar. I'm not saying life is boring in Portland cos it's not, it rules but I guess in some ways that's why this whole experience has been hard so far, my comfort is completely gone. 

Then again, comfort can be a bad thing. I hate getting in ruts and shitty routines and comfort is usually the cause of those plagues. That's why I left Vegas. I was too comfortable in a place that I despised but would never leave because I liked the familiarity of it all. On a whim one day I drove to the airport and bought a one way ticket to Portland. The ticket agent asked me when I wanted to go and I just threw my finger on the calendar and it randomly landed on June 17th. Sounds good to me. Leaving Las Vegas was hard but I felt that if I didn't do it the way I did, then maybe I never would have gotten out of there. I was scared and lonely when I first moved to Portland for the some of the same reasons I am here. But I knew I was doing the right thing and before I knew it, I had found my way  in Portland, even though getting to that point was at times brutal, I had finally made it.

 That's how I feel here. I'll make it and I'll love it. I have already been here for three weeks and time is flying. I love all my history classes, adore my teachers and like my roommates. I love learning about Japanese history and culture. I would love learning the language more if it wasn't so hard but it'll all work itself out. I feel refreshed and overall just happy to be here. 

The curious case of Nateesh Podolske

A couple of interesting things I saw today. A old guy riding his bike with his dog in the front basket but the dog was big and didn't fit in it and looked really unhappy. Two Domino's delivery drivers but instead of cars they were on scooters, I wanted to rob them, not for money but for pizza. A kid at the grocery store was so...shocked I guess by the way I looked or maybe it was the hair, I don't know but his jaw dropped when he first saw me and then kept walking as he was staring at me and ran into a display case. 

This place trips me out every time I leave my dorm. It's so different here. I was telling you all early on how nice and hospitable Japanese people are and it's refreshing and great but one thing that I think is interesting is, when it comes to foreigners at least, they will bend over backwards to help you even if they don't want to or even if it is inconvenient for them. There's this American girl staying in my building who I guess is really annoying, hard on the eyes and just plain sucks. She did home-stay last term but her host family couldn't tolerate her for another semester so now she's doing the dorm thing. At the university they really encourage the Japanese students to be active and social with international students. So I guess with this girl, they reached out to her and she latched on to them and now they hate her but still include her in things because they feel obligated. Hell no, if this happened anywhere in the states, the girl would get kicked to the curb and no one would bat an eye or lose any sleep over it. 

In Japan, the Japanese students can't stand her but yet they still include her because they don't want to be rude hosts. That's funny to me. I'd be like, see ya! Speaking of international students...I don't know how to say this nicely so I'll just say it, most of the international students here are straight up dorks. Like, I'm not the coolest person on the planet (pretty close though ha!) but I am by no means a dork. I was in high school for a brief while but whatever. These people are just dorks though. I guess a lot of dorks love Japan. There are some cool ones though like my roommates Becca and Maggie and some other random people that I have met but for the most part it's dork fest. 

Speaking of Becca, we went to karaoke earlier this week, which by the way I will have to devote a whole blog about that, anyways when we arrived to meet her friends, she introduced me to them and said, "Nateesh asks a lot of questions, she's very inquisitive." I was worried for a second that I was annoying her and Maggie with all the questions I bombard them with about Japan. She assured me that it's not annoying because it makes her realize how much she has learned. I asked Maggie if I was annoying and she said no and that she likes helping me. Both of these girls are pretty real and upfront so I don't think they were just saying that so that I wouldn't cry my eyes out. well anyways back to being inquisitive...I have always been this way. I used to drive my mom crazy with questions. My middle name is Rose and she would get so annoyed that she gave me the nickname Nosey Rosey (don't you dare call me that now) and I would cry my eyes out and yell to her, "I'm not nosey, I'm just curious!" Well it's true. I ask questions because I want to understand things, how they work and why they work, why people do the things they do blah blah blah. I never asked questions like why is the sky blue followed by why why why, I think my questions have always been thoughtful and genuine. I am a very curious person about life, people and the world around me. I can't help it. One thing that I have learned in my 29 years on this planet is that there aren't always answers for everything and I am okay with this. But for the questions that do have answers, well this is what I live for. I guess it's why I have chosen history as my profession and why I have always been so passionate about the subject. Anyways, enough for tonight. I'll work on getting some more pictures up here soon.

Konnichiwa.

As you can probably tell, I am having a hard time adjusting here. I have good and bad days and I am trying to make this experience an amazing one. But still, it's hard. I appreciate the support, encouragement and all that jazz but I don't think most of you can even wrap your mind around what's it like being here alone. 

I'm a social gal. I can walk into any place and by the time I leave have made friends with everyone in the room. I'm the life of the party often and love to entertain my friends and innocent bystanders. People have always joked that no matter where we go I will end up knowing someone I know. It's just how I am, I'm very outgoing and crazy, in a good way. I love who I am and wouldn't trade me in for nothing. Being here though, I have become more of an observer, a bit timid and even shy sometimes. I know it may be hard to believe but it's true. In some ways I hate it and in other ways I am enjoying taking a back seat. My time here so far has been real reflective and I have already learned somethings about myself. The  main purpose of this trip is my education but it's also a personal journey. I hope to gain a better understanding of the world by being in a completely different culture. I also hope to grow as a person and come back wiser and stronger. I feel that I am being tested right now and I refuse to give up. 

My heart aches to be back in Portland and that seems to be distracting the shit out of me here. I need to find some balance, which is something I don't like about myself. I'm either all or nothing, never in the middle, always on this side of the fence or that one. This is great for some aspects of life but in the bigger picture it's not a great way to be all the time. I had no idea this blog was going to be so introspective. I wanted it to just be a way to update everyone all at once but now it's become a lot more personal that I had planned or wanted but I can't help it. Somebody send me some freaking mail already! I have been here three weeks and it has gone by really fast. March will be filled with visitors from home and I can't freaking wait to see all of their faces. Something to look forward too...

Poor little poor girl.

It's funny how naive I can be sometimes. Since I have been here there have been somethings that I have purchased where I think too myself, "goddamn that's expensive!" and then with other things I am completely oblivious as to what the cost of it really is. When I go grocery shopping is where I can think of the best examples. 

I bought a loaf crap ass white bread for 248 yen and I didn't bat an eye, a six pack of the crappiest beer I ever had: 770 yen, sure no problem. A two pack of paper towels: 100 yen, score! Well, the reality is that I am being robbed here daily thanks to the greedy bastards who fucked up our economy and made the already worthless dollar even more worthless. The loaf of bread cost me $2.50, but here's the catch...you sitting down? You only get six slices! Bread here only comes in four or six packs! Back home, I can walk into Safeway or Fred Meyer and but a loaf of bread for a buck and a half, if that. BUT, I get a whole loaf! 770 yen for the sickest beer on planet earth? That's over 8 bucks! And it is so gross, picture a really gross American beer times that by 100 and then pour seltzer water in and Bam! you got Draft One. 

The yen looks like play money to me just because it's a foreign currency I guess. I was just told that they do have pizza here but to get a large pizza from Domino's it's 3,000 yen which is over $30! Geezus christ. I had no idea that things were going to be this expensive, I mean how would I know? You can only prepare so much for a trip like this. I thought I did good except for maybe the way I packed or more so what I packed. I acted like I was going to a third world country or something. I brought four months worth of soap, shampoo&conditioner, hair dye and a bunch of stuff along those lines thinking it would be impossible to find them here. Well, accept for the red hair dye, you can find anything and more in this country. I wish I would've packed some food like canned goods to get me through the first couple of weeks until I found out how the hell to eat here.

 But no, instead I have a ton of hair dye and soap meanwhile I am starving and sick of "spaghetti." Sorry, this post is a bitch fest but I'm stressed, homesick, depressed, hungry and worried that I am going to go broke here. Speaking of money, I know I mentioned some of the international students are rich/well off, and don't have a worry in the world when it comes to money. I guess maybe in a way I am jealous because I don't have parents who can float my cost of schooling. I am going to owe an astronomical amount of money when I get done with graduate school. I try to not even think about it because going to school is very important to me and when I'm done I will be doing something that I am extremely passionate about and you can't put a price tag on that. I just wish my parents would have made better decisions sometimes and set us kids up with a college fund or something. I don't want millions, I just don't want to worry about getting through school. It's hard doing it all alone but I am a tough one so I have done it and I will continue to do so. 

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. Who knows. One thing that frustrates me about some of the kids here whose parents are paying for everything-- a lot of them don't even care that they are here, don't want to be here, hate the language and the culture, only came here because it was something to do and brag that their time spent here won't help them later in life and no matter how good they do here, it won't either help their degree or even count for any credit on their home universities. What the hell! That blows my mind. I'm here because I want to teach Japanese history so my time here is so valuable and important to me because it will make me a more knowledgeable teacher, it's crucial to my degree and all the credits I earn here will ensure that I graduate on June 13th and I am paying up the ass to be here. When I hear some of these kids talk like this I want to pull my hair out and shake them.

 Today is just not a good day for me. I almost got hit by a car, literally I felt the car scrape my hand. The dude was a total asshole. I'm not doing so hot in my language courses either, it's so hard! I know it's all about how I approach it and I am trying to stay positive but today has been an off day. Overall, I am very glad to be here. I am learning so much in my history courses and that's good cos it reminds me why I came here in the first place. I have so much more to say but this is so long already. I'll post again later.

Come fly the friendly skies with us! I'd rather not.

For as long as I can remember I have had a fear of flying. I hate every aspect of flying except for the mere fact that it's convenient. I know they say that flying is the safest way to travel but I don't give a shit. I would much rather die in a head on collision than die in a plane crash. Why you ask? Well, if you insist I will tell you. 

If I am cruising down the street in my '64 and I get an accident and die, whether it be instantly or not, for the most part I won't see it coming and if I do it will be over in a second. If I am in a plane, or as I like to refer to it, a metal tube with fake air that shouldn't exist but does cos it's the fastest way to travel, and we start to have engine trouble or hit a flock of geese or lose power or whatever else could possibly go wrong, there will most likely be a moment of a few seconds or more, where I know that my life is about to end, tragically and painfully. Man, was that a long sentence. Anyways, the idea of knowing of my inevitable demise does not appeal to me. I hate the idea of death because I hate the fact that I will miss out on tomorrow. 

I accept death as a fact of life but I have a hard time that it's going eventually, and maybe too soon, take the lives of people I love and mine as well.I don't know want to know that I am about to die at all. The idea of my plane plummeting to the earth going 500 miles an hour is a shitty thought yet this is all I can think about when I fly. I have anxiety and bad dreams weeks leading up to my departure and when I say goodbye to people, in my head I'm thinking it's goodbye forever because my plane is definitely going to crash this time. I know, I am a freak but I can't get past it. In the past 6 months there have been a handful of plane crashes. There was the one with Travis Barker, the Hudson, the one in Brazil yesterday and now one in Puerto Rico and I know I am forgetting a few more.

 On my way to Japan, I was so sick with nerves that I couldn't take the anxiety medicine my doctor gave me for my 12 hour flight across the Pacific ocean. It sucked but I felt so sick that I kept thinking I didn't care if we crashed. Everything about flying sucks. Boarding cos you have to wait for everyone to try and fit their over sized luggage in the overhead bins,as you stand in the aisle cursing them in your head for not checking their shit and knowing damn well that it didn't fit in the little "your luggage must fit in here" thing they have at the check in. Taking off  sucks because it just seems impossible that something that heavy can just lift off the ground. 

Flying in the air sucks because you're breathing shitty recycled air, getting ripped off on drink prices, getting crappy pretzels cos they got too cheap for peanuts, using the smelly bathroom, getting hit from behind by the dumb annoying kid whose parents should have never had children cos they don't know how to discipline them, having the person take up what little space you have by leaning their seat back...just to name a few. Oh yeah and seat-belts? Are ya kidding me? Like those are going to do anything if we crash! They don't even provide seat-belts on public transportation where if I did get an accident a seat-belt would actually help but you better buckle up when the captain puts on the seat-belt sign or else! Use the bottom of your seat cushion for a flotation device? Really? Really, like you're serious? 

Landing sucks. Exiting the plane is the worse, waiting for everyone to get their shit together takes forever, they turn off the crap air and it becomes all muggy and suffocating. Geezus! I read somewhere that they have therapy for people with a severe fear of flying and I'm thinking I should check into it cos it makes me crazy, as you can tell from this tangent. The point of this was because of the plane crashes lately it has only heightened my fear of flying and I am not looking forward to my flight back home in May and I hope that I am not sick again cos although I hate taking pills of any sort for any reason,  I will be popping about five on the flight home. Since the price of flying is highway robbery, they should include an open bar that is free, free xanax and for those of you who don't do either they should provide you with a non-stop flow of oxygen or laughing gas to calm you and me the hell down. Thank you and goodnight!

Random thoughts.

I'm starting to get use to my life in Japan more and more but a lot of things are still weird. One example:The time difference. It blows my mind that I am a day ahead of everyone else. I've made the joke that I am in the future. On Super-bowl Sunday, which was Monday for me, Chad asked me who won Super-bowl and I told him the Cardinals. He told Alex and for a second Alex really thought I knew who won. Like right now it's 6 p.m. Monday but in Portland it's 12 a.m. Sunday, well technically Monday I guess but still you get the point. I swear  I will never get use to it. 

The grocery store that I have complained about, Sanko, has redeemed itself today. After swearing it off for life I caved in today because I was hungry and it's close. This time the lady that is always screaming through the speakers and the marching band were replaced with Japanese rock music, which wasn't half bad. I even recognized some of the words. It was filled with old people still but this time they weren't annoying and in my way. They all stared at me as I walked past them, I think because I was towering over them and because I have bright hair. 

One old guy stared at me as I walked down one of the isles with his mouth open. He was in front of me in line and wanted to talk my ear off. The checker didn't know much English, he was pretty bad and I hardly know any Japanese so it was funny trying to understand each other. I was able to answer a few questions in Japanese so I was pretty excited about that. It's funny how you think you're not making any progress but when you get put in a situation where you have to speak it, you find out that you know more than you thought you did.  So I decided that after today I will give Sanko another chance. 

Everything is so expensive here, especially with the economic crisis back home. Japan is in a recession of some sort too but nothing like the U.S. in fact the yen continues to rise while our dollar continues to drop. A bad time to be studying abroad for sure. I spent $40 at the store and really didn't buy that much. It stresses me out being here because I had to take out a private loan to be able to pay my way here. My financial aid only covered a portion of the costs so I had to supplement it somehow. My lovely friends had some benefit shows and some just donated money to help with my trip and between the two shows and the group of friends that donated to my cause, I left with an extra 1,000 for my trip. I am extremely grateful for their support and contributions. But it's still rough. 

When I get back I am going to start studying for the GRE exam to get into graduate school so I'll be skipping the fall term which means no financial aid, which is how I usually pay my way. So it's a little unsettling and I am trying not to worry about it too much now because there's nothing I can do about it. Before I arrived here, I was going over how much everything was going to cost and I was extremely frustrated because it seems like only students with rich or somewhat well off can afford to study abroad and after talking to a lot students here my assumptions were correct. A lot of them don't have to worry about money, there are some that are paying their own way but it seems like a lot of them rely solely on their parents. I hate money, it's stupid and I hate how much it affects people's lives. But I didn't want something like money to stop me from coming here because it's such a great opportunity for me in so many ways. It's amazing to be in this country and to experience the people, culture and rich history. I miss everyone deeply though. 

Pictures

This sign is posted on the door leading out to my balcony. In Japan after 10 p.m. you're supposed to be quiet when you're walking in neighborhoods cos Japanese houses aren't insulated so they can literally hear every word you say. Actually these signs are posted all over my dorm.

These are sponges that will clean anything I guess.

Why am I so amused by these things? 

I love rock but they love it twice. Oh by the way these are pencil/pen holders.

These are condoms, you can't really see it but the box on right has a horse on it and is called Super Big Boy. 

They have menthol cigarettes and menthol condoms in Japan.

The names of candy and food here provides hours of entertainment for me. 

This dude is really popular here, not only is he on this hot and sweet ass candy but he's also on folders, pencils/pens and notebooks.

Every burger is a sweet biscuit with chocolate in the center shaped like a burger.

Fried chicken flavored Dorito's?  Check.

Acne medication called Acnes. Once again, I am amused.

OK, so the hair dye section of the drug stores are huge but all of the colors are brown ad black and that's it but there's so many different browns and blacks. Notice the names of these colors.

You can still smoke it restaurants and bars here but don't you dare smoke on the street. Seriously. Don't. These signs are all over the sidewalks.

We went into this place called Kiddy Land that was filled with tons and tons of toys, socks, clothes, well basically everything.

This was one wall of socks but there were about ten others.

The Entrance to Kiddy Land.

Girls, girls, girls

Maggie's boyfriend lives in Osaka, which is about 40 minutes from Hirakata (where I reside) by bus and train. She goes there every Friday-Sunday. We decided to not have me tag along this time cos I don't feel comfortable being on my own yet so instead we took a short trip into the city. we walked around at looked in some crazy ass shops and then went to this pub where students hang out and had some food and beers. I felt pretty overwhelmed by the city and Maggie said that I haven't seen anything yet. I guess Osaka is pretty crazy. If you like to shop, then Japan is the place for you. They have anything and everything here. We stopped by a mall that had eight floors of shopping. When we got home Maggie got her bike and headed to Osaka and Becca and I had a beer and chatted for a while about our lives. She's from the UK and is welsh, she can still speak welsh and it sounds so crazy. She was here last semester and told me all of the fears that I am having are normal and she had them when she first arrived. She even puked on the plane ride on the way over here like I did. She is super awesome and so are the rest of my flat mates, seriously I like all of them. Pretty rare to get six girls in a room that all get along and are all awesome. I lucked out in that regard cos I hear people bitch a lot about their flat mates being dumb and dramatic. I took some pictures of somethings I found amusing. I'll post them on a separate blog. 

When I was in Kyoto I challenged Tomo's girlfriend to an arm wrestling match. I believe I kicked her ass once and then she schooled me like 5 times. I guess you shouldn't mess with a bass player. I just stole this picture from Colby's site so this is all I have for now. I'm supposed to go into Osaka tonight with my flat mate Maggie. Osaka is the secondest biggest city in Japan so it should be pretty fun. Plus I am so glad to finally get out of my dorm. I'll tell you all about my adventure, if it happens, upon my return. I hope you all have a good weekend, well it's Friday here and Thursday there so I guess it's my weekend and not yours! Ha! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya! oh yeah and I survived my first week of school!

What the hell?

My sensee handed back our vocabulary quiz today and I received a 8.8 out of 10 because I spelled two Japanese words wrong. But after the 8.8 she drew a sad face like I failed or something. I guess a B sucks in Japan.

I'm a bit homesick.

Today I had five classes right in a row. I went from 11 to 530 with about 10 minutes in between each class. I thought I was going to die. I forgot my wallet at home so I couldn't grab any food on my short ten minute breaks so I was starving by the time I got home. I keep thinking of things I want to tell you guys about Japan and then I forget by the time I make it on here. This place blows my mind daily. I know I told you all or at least showed the picture of the squat toilet I used in Kyoto but that has been the only one I have seen so far BUT I did forget to mention that a lot of the toilets have heated seats! Yes, with adjustments for your comfort level. And in some of the stalls, like the ones at my school, there's a button next to the toilet that makes a fake flushing sound so no one can hear you go to the bathroom. And the doors go from the ceiling to the floor. 

Also I was told by my flat mate Maggie about a few other grocery stores near by so I no longer have to go to the one where the lady yells at me while the marching bands plays. That shit was making me crazy and I was leaving there with massive headaches. There's a liquor store near by called Liquor World, clever. One thing that is crazy about Japan is that they are either the first or second safest industrialized country in the world. The number one crime committed here is bike theft. I'm not saying that bad shit doesn't happen but the crime levels are so low. I asked my teacher why and he said one of the reasons is because people don't own guns. And the punishments here are pretty serious for drugs. For example, before I arrived here my school sent me a package in the mail about drug laws. I wasn't even allowed to bring  Nyquil or Sudafed into the country. If you get caught with pot here, you are screwed. One thing that's funny is pot is a huge no no here but they don't know the pot leave is extremely popular on clothing and accessories. I asked someone how they got away with advertising pot when the laws are so strict and someone told it's because they don't realize that it's associated with pot. Huh? yeah that's what I was thinking. So you can wear the pot leaf proudly just don't get caught smoking it or you're screwed. 

In the beer section of the store, they have cans of juice and various mixers to mix with liquor but here they call them "Cocktail Partners" ha! I love it. I need a cocktail partner in more ways than one. I feel really homesick today. I would kill for my nice comfortable bed back home. I'm currently subletting my room do this guy named Armando Blanco, what a bad ass name.  He seems real cool so hopefully he doesn't burn the house down during a killer party or something, I'm kidding. Anyways, I am just going to study my ass off here, get good grades and then before I know it I'll be back in Portland. I don't think I will ever get used to the time difference. When I get up in the morning to go to school it's late in the afternoon in Portland and when I get home from school it's like 1 in the morning in Portland. I go to bed when you get up for work. I'm almost a full day ahead. It still messes with my head. Oh and I guess it's ridiculously expensive to send packages to Japan which sucks because I would love some care packages but you guys should send me something, a letter or postcard. But if you have money to spare or burn send me a care package. I would love mail cos I'm pretty lonely these days. Here's my address: 

Nateesh Podolske

c/o Center for International Education

Kansai Gaidai University

16-1 Nakamiyahigashino-cho, Hirakata, Osaka

573-1001 Japan

My wish list

Here's a list of things I need you guys to send me:

1. My bed. Actually I will take anyone's bed or just a mattress for the love of god! The futon's in America suck but the ones in Japan are worse. They are small and on the floor and my back is so sore. Also can you throw in that one guy that I like too.

2. A burrito with black beans, cheese, sour cream and salsa. 

3. A bottle of Tapatio hot sauce.

4. A jar of pickles.

5. A jar of pepperoncinni's.

6. A veggie hot dog with all the fixings.

7. A miller high life in the bottle.

8. A grilled cheese and a bowl of tomato soup.

9. A huge delicious salad.

10. A bloody mary.

11. My cat Abby.

12. Blankets that actually cover me up, I'm too tall for these ones.

13. My cell phone

14. Portland

15. My work and everyone that works there

16. My friends

17. The Portland Trailblazers basketball team

18. A box of honey nut cheerios.

19. A veggie burger with all the fixings

20. Over easy eggs with toast and hashbrowns.

Thanks. I know none of this is realistic but a girl can dream.

One week down, 14 to go..

Well I survived my first week in Japan. It honestly feels like I have been here for months already. I'm half way in to my first week of school. I am going to be so busy this semester. I'm taking 6 classes, well one of them is a Introduction to Japanese reading and writing that only lasts for 5 weeks, so after that I will only have five. Four history classes and one Japanese spoken language course. 

The spoken language class meets five days a week! I should know some Japanese by the time I return home but probably not much. It is such a complicated language to learn. There's three sets of symbols, hiragana, katakana and kanji. What's crazy about it is that the average Japanese person can't read most kanji. There are  about 10,000 kanji characters and you have to know how to read at least 1500 to even read a newspaper. I'm learning hiragana right now and it's pretty crazy. Some people that I have met are anywhere from 3rd to 6th level Japanese and they say they still have a hard time with it. The culture shock has finally worn off, I think. I am adjusting to this new life but it still feels weird. I keep talking about it to other people that I meet but they don't seem to think it's so weird. One reason is a lot of them were here last semester. Another is the whole age thing. I'm not judging anyone because of their age but it is a factor. 

Most people study abroad when they are really young so for a lot of them this is either their first time out on their own or they were already living in a dorm at their home university. I have always been stubbornly independent and moved out of the house before I even graduated high school so living in a dorm with rules at 29 is surreal. Above all, I have established myself in so many ways that is only possible through life experience so I'm just on a different level than a lot of people. I'm the oldest girl in the flat but luckily one of my flat mates, who I have taking a liking to, Maggie is close to me at 25. I actually really like all of my flat mates. They all seem really cool, down to earth, fun and helpful girls. I have been in my room a lot since I have been here because I have been so jet lagged and homesick but I finally came out of hiding last night when Maggie knocked on my door inviting to eat some of her food she prepared. She knows what a hard time I have been having here with everything so it was nice of her to ask. The meal she made was so good too. 

After that we all did our homework at the kitchen table and gossiped with another guy, Paul from downstairs, about school, Japan, Japanese food and people and the other international students. He's from the U.K., so are two of my flat mates, and he is so bitter and jaded for only being 22 but he cracked me up. He said he hates Japanese, everything...the language, people, customs and most importantly the food. he then wondered out loud why he was even here. It was pretty funny. I'm with him on the food thing because I am having a hell of a time here. Seriously. The grocery store gives me a headache. First of all I can't read anything so I have no idea what has meat in it and what doesn't. Secondly, there are speakers all over the store and every few minutes this lady screams something in Japanese over and over. 

Today, in between her yelling they played music that was in the style of a marching band. Then it would fade out and she would start yelling again. The store is filled with old people who can't take the hint when you're standing behind them  obviously needing to get past them, so they just stand there admiring god knows what cos I can't read anything. Both times I went there, I wasn't quite sure what I bought and just hoped it wasn't meat. Turns out I have a good eye cos my flat mates verified I chose wisely. Now I know the dorm rules are "absolutely no alcohol allowed" but my flat mates and one of my professors said you can drink but do it with common sense or as my professor put it, "only stupid people get caught." Hide it when you come in, drink it in your room and dispose of the trash elsewhere. They don't do room checks or anything and if they come into your unit's floor, they always knock first and will not enter until they are given permission. So I'm pretty smart so I'll play it safe. I'm not looking to party or anything but I do like having a cold beer or a cocktail after a long day at school. 

There's a beer vending machine and a alcohol store, actually the beer vending machine is right in front of the store, right around the corner from my dorm. The little old lady that runs it is quite charming, very short and seemed annoyed that I was giving her business the other day. School is awesome. I'm in for a real treat with my history classes. I can't tell you how awesome it is to study Japanese history in Japan. My time here will prove invaluable when I become a history teacher. One thing I find funny at school is bells ring when your class ends just like in high school. I haven't experienced that in college so it makes me feel like I'm in high school, which is not a good thing cos high school really sucked. My language and reading/writing sensee's are the cutest ladies in the world. In Japan, for Mr./Ms. you add the word san after your name so in those classes I am Nateesh san but when they say it it sounds like Nateeshie san. The area of Japan that I'm in is called the Kansai region, it sits between Osaka, Nara and Kyoto and is so rich in history. 

One of the most famous emperors, Meiji, is buried close by and my history instructor is going to take us to see it sometime this term. I have studied a lot about Meiji and the Meiji period so I am so excited to go. I also just found out that this shrine I walk by everyday on the way to school is an old worshipping spot for an emperor, forget his name right now but it was a long time ago. I also was told that Kyoto, where I met up with my Portland friends, was founded in 794. It's so cool to have been to a city that old. I'm doing a lot of walking! The walk to school is about 20 minutes and I least do it two times a day but usually around four. I walk everywhere. It's the best way to see everything so I don't mind. I decided against getting a bike, it's too risky and complicated for someone like me who has no grace, is a klutz and kind of bad luck. 

I know these posts can be long but I think it's good for me to write about everything as it's happening rather than waiting till I get home. I started this blog more to keep everyone posted on what I am up to but it has turned into a journal of some sort even therapeutic . It also saves me from writing 500 emails about the same shit. I can write it all here and you can either read it or not. Let's see...I'm trying to think of anything else...Nope. Enough for now. I have my first vocabulary quiz in the morning so I need to study now. Till next time. Oh yes! A guy in a couple of my classes is 44 so I'm not the oldest person here! 

A few pictures I forgot to post last time.

In Japan, coca-cola is both refreshing and uplifting. 

The cars here are so freaking small.

                                  

A political poster for the Democratic Party.

Watch out or that dude will steal your purse! I've become obsessed with Japanese signs.

                    

I just found out that this shrine I walk past everyday is a shrine where an old Emperor, his name has slipped my mind, used to worship long long ago.

This sign is on the front gate of the house. I assume these people live in it.

I walk on this street everyday to school. Looks like an alley way but cars (going both ways) pedestrians and cyclists all share. Safe to say I have almost been hit. Slow down! 

Another great sign, the kid has a ladder, skis and a baseball glove, to name a few, in his stomach area. Have no idea what it says.

Absolutely No Alcohol...

is allowed in my dorms but I was never one to follow rules, in fact I hate rules. I hate being told what to do and I often do the opposite of what I am told. I am being ninja about it though so I won't get in trouble. Today was my first day at school. I haven't been in school since December 11th so it's a bit weird getting back into the swing of academia. I had 4 classes today and was at school from 9 to 530 with a few breaks in between. It has tiring but so awesome. I am taking a 5 week intro to Japanese writing course, a spoken language course and 4 history classes. My writing sensee (we call Japanese teachers sensee's) and my spoken language sensee are pretty awesome. I have the same American professor for 3 of my history courses and he is fucking amazing! I have one more history course that I go to tomorrow, I haven't met him yet but he hosted a lot of our orientation meetings and he is pretty funny and seems cool. I am going to be real busy the next 15 weeks but I am so excited about all of my classes. The culture shock is slowing starting to wear off and the reality that I am going to be living this lifestyle is setting in. I felt really homesick today. All I wanted to do was watch the superbowl and drink beer with everyone back in Portland. I miss home and my love and my friends. I miss burrito's and bloody mary's. But Japan is truly an amazing place. My school is amazing and I have top of the line sensee's and professor's. I will write more about my one professors later because he is a trip. Also, I just thought about something the other day: I live on an island. So weird.