Poor little poor girl.

It's funny how naive I can be sometimes. Since I have been here there have been somethings that I have purchased where I think too myself, "goddamn that's expensive!" and then with other things I am completely oblivious as to what the cost of it really is. When I go grocery shopping is where I can think of the best examples. 

I bought a loaf crap ass white bread for 248 yen and I didn't bat an eye, a six pack of the crappiest beer I ever had: 770 yen, sure no problem. A two pack of paper towels: 100 yen, score! Well, the reality is that I am being robbed here daily thanks to the greedy bastards who fucked up our economy and made the already worthless dollar even more worthless. The loaf of bread cost me $2.50, but here's the catch...you sitting down? You only get six slices! Bread here only comes in four or six packs! Back home, I can walk into Safeway or Fred Meyer and but a loaf of bread for a buck and a half, if that. BUT, I get a whole loaf! 770 yen for the sickest beer on planet earth? That's over 8 bucks! And it is so gross, picture a really gross American beer times that by 100 and then pour seltzer water in and Bam! you got Draft One. 

The yen looks like play money to me just because it's a foreign currency I guess. I was just told that they do have pizza here but to get a large pizza from Domino's it's 3,000 yen which is over $30! Geezus christ. I had no idea that things were going to be this expensive, I mean how would I know? You can only prepare so much for a trip like this. I thought I did good except for maybe the way I packed or more so what I packed. I acted like I was going to a third world country or something. I brought four months worth of soap, shampoo&conditioner, hair dye and a bunch of stuff along those lines thinking it would be impossible to find them here. Well, accept for the red hair dye, you can find anything and more in this country. I wish I would've packed some food like canned goods to get me through the first couple of weeks until I found out how the hell to eat here.

 But no, instead I have a ton of hair dye and soap meanwhile I am starving and sick of "spaghetti." Sorry, this post is a bitch fest but I'm stressed, homesick, depressed, hungry and worried that I am going to go broke here. Speaking of money, I know I mentioned some of the international students are rich/well off, and don't have a worry in the world when it comes to money. I guess maybe in a way I am jealous because I don't have parents who can float my cost of schooling. I am going to owe an astronomical amount of money when I get done with graduate school. I try to not even think about it because going to school is very important to me and when I'm done I will be doing something that I am extremely passionate about and you can't put a price tag on that. I just wish my parents would have made better decisions sometimes and set us kids up with a college fund or something. I don't want millions, I just don't want to worry about getting through school. It's hard doing it all alone but I am a tough one so I have done it and I will continue to do so. 

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. Who knows. One thing that frustrates me about some of the kids here whose parents are paying for everything-- a lot of them don't even care that they are here, don't want to be here, hate the language and the culture, only came here because it was something to do and brag that their time spent here won't help them later in life and no matter how good they do here, it won't either help their degree or even count for any credit on their home universities. What the hell! That blows my mind. I'm here because I want to teach Japanese history so my time here is so valuable and important to me because it will make me a more knowledgeable teacher, it's crucial to my degree and all the credits I earn here will ensure that I graduate on June 13th and I am paying up the ass to be here. When I hear some of these kids talk like this I want to pull my hair out and shake them.

 Today is just not a good day for me. I almost got hit by a car, literally I felt the car scrape my hand. The dude was a total asshole. I'm not doing so hot in my language courses either, it's so hard! I know it's all about how I approach it and I am trying to stay positive but today has been an off day. Overall, I am very glad to be here. I am learning so much in my history courses and that's good cos it reminds me why I came here in the first place. I have so much more to say but this is so long already. I'll post again later.